just bought a pair of shoes and 2 pairs of jeans. that's pretty much what i did today. i was in montalban yesterday, and trinoma last saturday. tomorrow, going to pasig for an annual medical check-up. fasting begins tonight for some sort of cholesterol test. that's all

cant sleep! its too hot!

well, i already fell asleep only to wake up around 12:45am and not fall asleep again because of the hot weather.

just got home from TriNoma. not yet fully finished. Gateway looked the same way before construction was completed. but at least Gateway had airconditioning. after roaming a bit, we just cant stay any longer in TriNoma. it was just too hot. too bad there wasnt any airconditioning yet. and also, they have a nice rooftop area.

its so hot right now, even if im just sitting in front of the PC and its almost midnight, im sweating like i just did some lifting. i wish i had a girlfriend this hot. but then again, hot chicks just dont fall from the sky, drop on your lap, and love you for everthing that you are. so its really pointless wishing that. reminds me of a line from Full Metal Alchemist. cant quote it verbatim but it goes like, "the good thing about a dream is that they exist in the world of fantasy. if a dream ever comes true, it was never a dream to begin with". something like that. just a thought.

they say nice guys finish last. assuming i really am a nice guy, because it seems that's what the world thinks of me (wait til they see what's in my head, that would explain why karma is against me), i wish i knew i was in a race to begin with!

listening to the Spiderman 3 soundtrack and im on track 5...too alternative. not that i have problems with alternative music but the collection of songs arent that good, its like there's not much variety...well, im just on track 5. and im not even sure if this is the OST. some guy just compiled the songs played in the movie

wallpaper collection update:
3D wallpapers: 82
anime wallpapers: 249
car wallpapers: 27
movie wallpapers: 970
music artist wallpapers: 176
nature/animal wallpapers: 97
tv show wallpapers: 32
miscellaneous: 115
sexy celebs/hotties: 3717

total: 5465 wallpapers...and still counting...

maybe i should start a wallpaper site of my own?

this is my 100th post! and on this post, i would like to say that "IT'S SO HOT!!!". the summer heat is just so intense. the nights dont make things any better. its hot all day long and all night long! cant wait for the rainy season or at least the cold weather to kick in.

not much is happening lately. and when i say lately, after may 14. that was when my vacation really started. anyway, just learned that a relative just had a brain stroke and still in a coma. dont know the person much, it was the first time i heard of him. the reason my mother mentioned it was because she's concerned again with our health. our lifestyle and the things we are eat are not exactly what people would call as healthy. add the fact that i have polycythemia.

just got home an hour ago. we did some rounds to check the precincts and election results. so far, sanlakas is doing ok. i hope it continues like that and wins at least one seat. the areas are generally peaceful and i havent seen any form of hostility. so i guess its really the provinces that heat up during elections and some areas in metro manila. fortunately, there's no violence in our area. the places had moderate security, with policemen doing their rounds on the school grounds. we also passed by Quezon City Hall which was heavily guarded. i guess they're prepared for the worst. i hope the worst nor anything bad never comes. i just want this election stuff done peacefully, properly and honestly as possible. though there's been a lot of reported election violence and election related deaths, im thankful that in our area, things had been quiet and safe.

i missed the taste of them nicotine! and i love drinking alcohol! that is all

cant think of anything to post. nothing much happened lately. well, i havent shaved my chin and upper lip for a month. so, i already have a moustache and...not sure if its a beard or a goatee...more of a short beard. might go to montalban again this afternoon.

so, what has happened lately? well, distributed leaflets last saturday, lagro area. went to montalban again last sunday and fortunately this time nothing bad happened. the week before, i hit my middle finger with a hammer, so half of my fingernail turned black. the week before that, i hit my head on a bamboo pole. it bled for around half an hour. i also volunteered to help on editing the bar reviewers where i found out its not as easy as i thought it would be. the monotony just makes my mind drift away and lose focus. so i had to take occassional breaks to do it properly. what else? still not finished with the campaign email. still contemplating on two things: go to bicol and enroll on a summer workshop. oh, and i also took a survey yesterday where i received some gift checks in return for participating. wait, i just remembered, i havent finished watching the prestige. that's my life at the moment, watch a lot of movies. speaking of movies, spiderman 3 premieres today! and i dont have tickets. that sucks.

you know what my problem is? problem is, i dont have a heart. not literally of course, but you know what i mean. what makes it worse is that, i act sometimes as if i have a heart. so do i get credit for that? pretending to have a heart? that's why some of the things i do just end up like pieces of crap, or a pile of crap. it just lacks that heart part. what can i do, i just dont have it. and i realized, i was better off not attempting to have a heart. life was easier, and much peaceful. it was a simple life to be who i really am without trying to contradict it. just be cold, heartless and detached. that's who i am, why bother changing it. ok, having emotions are ok, but it's getting tiring in the long run. it looks like fun, but i guess its not for me. it really is irrational and right now it has become pointless. so, revert back to the old ways? yeah, but it wont be easy. it wont be like the first time, where i just woke up one day and im emotionally dead. now, its a conscious decision and it would take some time reinforcing the old habits.

these past few days....sooo busy! cant even think of complete sentences...thinking in phrases....emails keep coming in...everytime i check...there's something to do...aaah..i want to take a break...and the people outside are noisy...and so is my cousin's dog...barking incessantly...its driving me crazy...i want to watch a movie!!!! but i cant....shhhiiiiiitt!!!!

this sucks.

i think its been quite a few days now that im feeling like a single minded person. i mean, i dont feel like that psycho shit where there are bunch of personalities inside me. that's not good news. i mean, what if a personality died down that has traits i like. crap. can i recover it? besides, i need them! ok, that's some psycho comment but not quite my ordinary psycho comment. crap.

another one of them sleepless nights. life sucks. especially after dropping by friendster and being reminded of things that's not really fun to think about.

things didn't really go well today. having only 2 hours of sleep (ok, 2 and a half, since i slept from 4am to 630am), i was asked to drive again to montalban. driving without sleep is not something new to me, i do it from time to time. i dont know how it started or when it started, but im used to driving long distances even without sleep. there was a time when there were close calls, where i almost hit the back of the vehicle in front of me because i was driving too fast but that is more of an exception because we were in a rush. anyway, back to the not so nice day, so i was sleep deprived and driving a long distance, not that bad. what made it bad is that when we got there, i was asked to assemble the bench for the dining table. its made of thick, heavy wood and very hard to assemble. so, im sleep deprived and was asked to do this difficult task. in the end, i wasnt able to assemble it and my father had to look for a carpenter to get the job done. that just proves how hard it was! it needs a professional to do it. anyway, what made it worse was that, while i was doing the actual attempt to assemble it, being sleep deprived, i was a bit careless and absent minded. with a hammer in hand, i hit my right middle finger, killing my nail in the process (in Filipino, patay na kuko). so right now, im having difficulties writing this blog entry because i cant use my right middle finger at the moment. and it hurts! actually, when i hit my finger, i had no reaction. it was painful but it seems i have delayed reflexes. i dont know, it took a while for me to feel how painful it felt. it happened so fast, one time i was hammering the wood then the next second, it hit my middle finger's nail. i looked at it and saw black patches and then told my mother that i just hit my nail. of course, after that, i still continued trying to assemble the goddamn bench that killed my middle finger's nail, but like i said, in the end, they had to hire someone to finish what i cant finish.

soooooooooooo tired!!!! ive been doing the website for hours now. aaah!!! it wasnt this difficult before.

using friendster has become depressing. seeing your friends, old and new, then looking at where i am at the moment, its just not something to be happy about. i feel like i made a wrong turn along the way. i feel like im the only one who refuses to grow up and move forward. i feel like im the only one stuck somewhere. i feel like im the only one. being the only one wasnt a problem before because i saw it as something that made me unique, like a professor joked, im a class of my own. i dont go around socializing with just anybody. but i digress. the point is, seeing myself as being the only who seems to be the one left behind while everyone keeps moving forward makes me ask the question: will i stay the way i am or will i try to catch up? right now, i ask another question, what's the point of catching up? so what if they are far ahead in life? not that it matters to me because im tired of life. it wont make much difference. if i stay where i am and stay the way i am, im going to get used to be stuck and being left behind. its only a matter of time anyway. ive reached this far doing things my way, and doing things alone, so its safer to keep on doing what ive done before. so am i afraid to take risks? not really. i just dont take it when i dont see the point in taking it. why waste energy and effort when there's no reason behind it? so everything must have a reason? yes.

right at this moment, i feel so left behind.

right at this moment, i truly feel im detached from everything.

right at this moment, i dont care about a single thing.

right at this moment, i should be hating life, but like i said, i just dont care anymore

im not blogging as often as i used to...why? i dont know. anyway, just read an email that mam avena gave a passing grade to everyone in her class this semester. so, am i regretting my decision to drop? nope. like i said, im really having problems during that time and if i continued my civil procedure subject, things might have gone worse. so when i said i was dropping for health reasons, i wasnt just saying it as an excuse. i really was having health concerns back then. if i not for that health concern, i might have soldiered on and continued the subject. unfortunately, that wasnt the case. well, too bad for me. as if im suprised. nothing ever goes my way. i should be happy nothing bad is happening to me at the moment and not expect anything more. that's the kind of life i have. always bad, sometimes bad, and nothing bad. its never something good. the peak is when nothing bad is happening. that's why i learned how to be contented. because things could be worse. so be thankful that things arent worse because hoping for something more will just lead to frustrations. so, the commercial on JackTv was right. the key to life is lowered expectations.

just spent 3 days in our house in montalban. we left thursday morning and got home just this sunday morning. and what amazes me is that i was able to last three days without cable tv (preventing me from watching my favorite programs since i rarely watch local channels), a PC (which i primarily use to check my emails (which i check at least once a day and an average of three times a day), blog and browse some stuff online), and a fridge (when i want something to eat, i go to the fridge because i dont cook and i like my drinks to be cold).

the house does not have much appliances and furniture yet so there really isnt much to do there. what i did most of the time was listen to my mp3 player (thank God for mp3 players) and play around with my digicam, shooting non-sensical stuff. also, i used some of the spare time reviewing for my final exam on april 10.

the good thing about the place was that it was quiet and peaceful and gave me time to reflect on stuff. something that i should be doing since it was holy week after all.

maybe i should lower my standards. i cant get a girlfriend if im looking for a girl who has the potential to be a supermodel (note: supermodel not model) or someone who can make it big as a hottie hollywood celebrity (note again: hollywood, not someone from the local showbiz industry). but how low? and why the crap do i have the high standards when im not the best looking guy in the world. heck, not even in the city, hehehe. anyway, just had this stroke of loneliness and getting tired of waiting. maybe i should get some sleep or something.

just had my labor exam early yesterday morning. it was ok. a bit frustrated because the question bruno asked the night before the exam actually came out in the exam! and what's frustrating is that i knew the answer to that, and come exam time, i forgot the other details! i could have gotten a perfect score for that item. i was a bit careless i guess.

what else....well, i went to the rockwell tent to go to an "intimate charity event". it was a lingerie fashion show/fund raiser. all i can say is...nice! cant believe i didnt attend the previous offer 2 years ago to attend this kind of show.

lastly, i hitched a ride with bruno to and from the rockwell tent. and well, when we were going home, we met an accident in the kamias area. minor vehicular accident but its still a bother since it still entails payment of damages, aside from the actual damage incurred. it wasnt our fault. we were stationary when the innova scratched and dented the left side of bruno's car. good thing we had digicams to take pictures and use it as evidence. and bruno was paying attention in his law classes and was able to write "settlement" forms.

the next time i need to go to sleep, i just have to drink some coffee. its confirmed. every time i drink coffee, i feel drowsy and extremely sleepy! well, 90% of the time. the remaining 10% of the time, it perks me up for an hour, then comes in the sleepy feeling. usually, this 10% applies if its my first time to drink a certain type of coffee. so i guess, by the 2nd time i try the coffee, my body has created an immunity from its stimulating effect.

this is probably the longest time ive been online, without any disconnections. how long? 11 hours, 35 minutes and 03 seconds...and counting.

i should start studying for labor law....right now, im just waiting for an email from grace containing the labor relations reviewer.

i was supposed to watch TMNT today but its my sister's graduation. so, i have to postpone it again!

weird. there are three muddy footprints near the doorway, as if a person came from the outside, went in the house with a muddy left foot (because there are only left foot prints). what made it weird is that we just saw it this morning, and not one of us claims it's his or hers. and it cant be us, because none of us went barefoot yesterday coming from the outside. so where did the footprints come from? and it wasnt there last night. so it was probably made while all of us were asleep. and why only left footprints?

ash is giving me a headache! i mean, its barks are like nails being driven down my skull! not to mention its been causing sleepless nights! of all the nights it could schedule its annoying night long barks, it had to start the night before my first final exam! so i didnt get to sleep that night. well, from 130am to 4am! and it hasnt stop barking ever since. ok, it does take a break from time to time but its only a few minute intervals. maybe it takes a break for 15 mins, then barks again for a couple of minutes. so i really cant fall asleep since when im about to, it barks again! so its like a cycle of falling to sleep without reaching the sleeping stage. its going to drive me crazy! and if it does, im going to a killing spree. why? because im insane! that's why! send me to the looney bin, i fucking dont care! some people treat me as if i dont have problems and i dont have a limit. i have tendencies to lose my sanity you know! anyway, the dog is still barking, and its showing no signs of stopping.

is this a deja vu? it was like my midterm exam for agency! i didnt get a good night sleep and i struggled in answering the questions! but i studied. well, i studied less on my agency exam compared to my partnership exam a while ago. i was confident on my agency exam because i thought i had a good grasp of the subject only to get pissed with my self for being too confident. just got that midterm exam back a few days ago and well, i was right, i didnt do well. and it happened again a while ago. what's more frustrating is that, i studied! ok, obviously, it wasnt enough. but maybe if i had a good night sleep, i would have done better. ok, that's a lame excuse but lately (meaning two or maybe three years), i rarely take an exam without a good night sleep. i always make sure that i have slept long enough (at least six hours, preferably around 8 hours).

anyway, right now, i just hope i get a passing grade for the final exam. that's all i ask.

wow, im actually studying again! im so proud of myself. after weeks of trying and forcing myself to study, im finally flipping pages and reading what's on them.

i started, i think around 9 am, and ive been reading for my partnership finals since then. of course, i take breaks here and there but point is, im getting somewhere! i just hope this effort is enough to keep me afloat in school.

ive lost all the things ive written on my other blog! goddamn power...i mean, electricity fluctuations! its only a little rain. there's barely a wind! only a gentle breeze. how come that electricity problem occurred. anyway, no major harm done anyway. i just hope its not a sign of more bad things to come. life has given me a break from the unfortunate events that normally happen (coincidentally, it happened a month ago, the same time ive been bothered with my sort of non-existent problem. non-existent because i cant figure out what it is. if i dont know what it is, it means i cant see what it is, and if i cant see what it is, how can i know its there, and how can i know its a problem, right? so, its logical that there's nothing there. so, nothing is bothering me).

what could ruin a cool relaxing rain on a peaceful summer night? a power outage! ok, that didnt happen, but a fluctuation on the electric current did! a fluctuation enough to restart my PC! crap. i hate that when that happens. it just ruined the good mood.

good thing firefox has this "restore session" function. not sure if explorer has that, havent used that browser for quite some time now. i didnt even upgrade it. at least i wont have to look for the website ive opened. this function of firefox is really handy.

i love rainy nights! and what is better than this? rain on a summer night! and its happening right now. just what i need. it gives a relaxing feeling. i have a finals exam on partnership (1-4pm) this saturday, followed by credit transactions class (530-730, maybe until 9...depends). finally, after a month of "taking a break", im actually studying again. although not as serious as i should be, at least im flipping pages and reading it. not just pretending which ive been doing for weeks now (i go the library, open a book or flip through the photocopied SCRAs, pretending im reading them when actually my mind is just drifting, contemplating of nothingness...cant help it, something's been bothering me for quite some time now). hoping by tomorrow, im going to finish every reading i need for the exam, and review it and review it again by saturday morning. that is, if everything goes well when i wake up tomorrow.

right knee hurting...not swollen, just sore. why? i dunno. just drove a while ago to fetch my mother from shopwise, cubao. it was just a short distance but after that short drive, my right knee started to hurt. maybe im no longer used to driving. and im going to drive to montalban this sunday! crap. my knees are going to hurt if thats the case. when was the last time i drove anyway? a week ago? it hasnt been that long. but i dont drive frequently, maybe that's why. i used to drive everyday to school, except wednesdays (coding).

so, am i feeling better already? yeah, i guess. i think its been days now that im no longer feeling fucked up. that UP fair night really drove me crazy. just crazy.

in less than a month, ive seen 15 movies, 7 in theaters, and 8 on video.

in theaters:
ghost rider
music and lyrics
the number 23
pursuit of happyness
bridge to terabithia
300
the hitcher (should have waited for it on video, wasnt that good)

on video:
Just Like Heaven (nice romcom, but 50 first dates is still the best)
40 year old virgin
Mirror Mask (entrancing eccentric visual style plus pretty actress: Stephanie Leonidas, now she's the Leonidas i like)
Tenacius D: The Pick of Destiny
Pan's labyrinth
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Must Love Dogs
Night at the Museum

going to watch (either on video or in cinemas, depends whether it will be released here):
Flushed Away
The Prestige (rent on video)
Walk the Line (rent on video, because of Reese Witherspoon)
TMNT (end of march)
The Reaping (april)
An Inconvenient Truth
Reign Over Me (release date is on mar23 but in the Philippines, around July!)
Spiderman3
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
The Punisher2
Bean2
Ocean's Thirteen
Penelope (again, because of Reese Witherspoon)
Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End (partly because of Keira Knigtley, and partly because its really a good movie)
Resident Evil: Extinction (i liked the first 2 movies)
The Simpsons Movie
Sin City2
Evan Almighty
Transformers (not a fan of TV series, but the trailer looks good, i hope the movie is really as good as it appears in its trailers)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Zodiac
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (its a sandler movie)

ooops....spoke to soon. im fucked up as before! i just hate it here.

i now have: 3292 desktop wallpapers! 2054 are wallpapers of hot and sexy celebrities! females of course. 830 are movie wallpapers. 249 are anime wallpapers. the rest are wallpapers of cars, tv shows, nature, etc.

another lazy afternoon. got home, no one's home. nice. i like being home alone. i get the peace of mind i need. was planning to watch a movie, either 300 or The Hitcher. unfortunately, not in the mood to wait. i was at the mall around 1pm, and the next screening for 300 is 2:40 pm, and the Hitcher a bit earlier. and i couldnt think of anything i could do at the moment but eat lunch. i doubt it will take me that long to eat lunch. so i ate my lunch, and i only consumed 20 mins. that leaves me with more than an hour. so i decided to go home instead. its not worth waiting that long no matter how good the reviews are for 300. i can still watch it, maybe tomorrow or on friday.

anyway, feeling better now. maybe. dont have that bothered feeling anymore. never had the chance to figure out what it was or what caused it. i just hope its not playing tricks on me, like its going to manifest itself when i least expect it or waiting for the worst time it could pop up.

so itchy all over!!! got rashes on both my knees! dont know what's causing this allergic reaction, or to what ive been exposed to. all i know im allergic to dust mites and cockroaches. and i dont think ive been exposed to both. or maybe dust mites. i dont know. all i know is im itchy!

anyway, my state of mind hasnt improved yet. still think im going crazy. and having a hard time concentrating on my studies.

cant sleep yet. why? im so full! i ate almost one and a half family size pizza. thats how many slices, 12? maybe only 10. of course not in one sitting, maybe the first 6 slices around late in the afternoon, and the next 4 slices right after dinner. and when's dinner? maybe an hour and half later after i ate the 6 slices of pizza. that's crazy! and half a liter of soda. and i ate a hot fudge sundae fifteen minutes later after i ate the four slices. and drank half a liter of water. i finished eating everything around 930pm. i dont know why i was eating a lot, and why i kept eating. anyway, its 1130pm already and i still feel very full. i dont know why i ordered 2 boxes of pizza in the first place! i just felt like ordering it after i took a bath. so while in the shower, i thought, id like to have some pizza. so i ordered two boxes.

thats why its not very advisable for me to go to the mall with a lot of money to spend because i end up buying things that are...well, not given much thought. so far i havent bought anything useless, but most of the time, i buy things that are really not necessary...yet. thats my problem sometimes, if i know i have money to spend, sometimes i cant control myself from spending it. that's what happened a while ago. knowing i can afford to order pizza made me order not just one but two boxes. im so stupid.

how long have i been in front of the PC? long enough for me to use my left hand to use the mouse! my right hand is so tired! and instead of resting, i continue to sit in front of the PC, browsing for stuff on the net!

watched another movie. this would be the 4th in less than two weeks! 4th movie that is, but 5th if i would count it by the number of times i went to a movie house, and 6th if i would count the number of times i watched a movie (meaning, i repeated some of them). i watched the Ghost Rider twice, on a friday and on a saturday, Music and Lyrics once on a monday, The Number 23 twice on a saturday, and The Pursuit of Happyness once on a monday. when will this addiction end? not really addiction but just a way of distracting me for an hour or two from that goddamn dark cloud.

just woke up a few minutes ago and minutes later, got a phone call from my cousin asking for help. nice way to start the day huh? well, at least he wasnt asking for anything hard. well, it was hard but good thing im not the guy for the job he was asking me to do. so, what i merely did was simply like a consultation, point to him what he has to do and who to go to.

anyway, i thought i was feeling better. well, there are times i do feel better but then that dark cloud that has been hovering over me for more than a week now makes itself felt again. like i said before, its like a neon sign saying "life sucks". or "my life sucks".

another tiring day...went to UP (to study), then SM north (to look for a gift), then to Philcoa (to eat lunch), then to Fairmart, Cubao (to buy a gift since i wasnt able to find what i was looking for in SM North), then back to UP (to get something, which only became available that afternoon), then went home. this is the second consecutive day that i went home with aching feet because of all the walking i did.

when i got home, i almost drank a liter of water because of thirst and the heat. summer's here, and im not in the mood yet for the heat it has brought with it.

anyway, seems like i was able to do what i thought i will do today, except watch a movie. why? i've seen the movies i want to see (Ghost Rider and Music and Lyrics). well, i would like to watch The Holiday, Bridge to Terabithia and The Number 23 but im not in the mood for it. might just wait for it to come out on DVD.

my head aches, im sleepy and its a thursday. so, wonder what life has in store for me when i wake up hours later? going to UP to study for my classes on friday. might go to the mall and might watch a movie. wonder what's showing today? that's pretty much what i intend to do when i wake up hours later. maybe i should sleep. its been a tiring day. trying to anticipate what life could possibly send my way later but my mind's blank. maybe its just going to be a simple day where i get to do what i intend to do and nothing more.

one of those rare nights im in the mood to be "online" on Yahoo messenger, and no one's "online". am i that messed up? that im willing to change my status from "invisible" to "available"?

i thought dropping the subject would make me feel better, because there is less mental burden. well, it made feel bad because if only i was strong enough physically and mentally, i wouldnt need to drop it. but well, im not. and dropping the subject only meant that it wont aggravate the situation or condition im in and i would not be as stressed as i am now. and what is that? still got no clue. am i losing my mind? i have no idea. the only clear thing is something's up and its bothering me so badly, that i need to pull myself together when that opportunity comes or else. or else what? how should i know. all i know its an "or else" situation.

so confused!

went to mass yesterday, february 20. during mass, i asked myself, is it ash wednesday today? well, that question would be plausible, yes, very plausible, if it was a wednesday!!! holy crap! what's wrong with you? its a tuesday and you ask whether its ash wednesday? well, it took a couple of seconds for me to figure that out.

so ash wednesday came, the following day. i was looking at the UP chapel, wondering, what's up? how come there seems to be a lot of people attending mass today than usual? couple seconds...oh, its ash wednesday!

when will the confusion end? and when will this messed up feeling show hints what's the mess all about?

finally, im done! done dropping.

wow, didnt expect it to be mentally and physically tiring. so aside from the mental hardship of waiting for professors and other people to get their signatures, i had to walk for a considerable distance just to accomplish it. why did they have to place the university registrar in a not so accessible location? i went there twice! first coming from malcolm and the second was coming from the shopping center. so by the time i was able to accomplish everything, i was already drenched in sweat. eeeww. im sticky and sweaty for the summer. i really felt bad dropping the subject, but what can i do, i really cant continue anymore. if it doesnt affect my physical health, its bound to affect my psychological health.

in a few hours, i will go to school again, to resume the waiting game. so ill just sit there and keep on waiting, waiting, waiting. seems like a waste of time huh? well, im used to waiting. well, i do wait a lot, but not because ive started not to mind means i want to wait. anyway, i hope i get to finish this dropping the subject thing so i can at least restore a bit of normality in my academic life and start studying with a bit more concentration. its really hard to concentrate when there is a thought lingering in your head regarding not making the deadline.

normally, downloading something makes me feel a little better. and im always in the mood to download something, no matter how insignificant. now, i just dont feel like it. i dont even want to continue my pending downloads! crap. i better figure out what the fuck's wrong with me! that's really a problem, not knowing what's bothering you. how can you solve a problem which exists but you can't see?! there is even no certainty it exists, but you feel there's something there bugging you, something bringing you down. it just sucks.

my life still sucks. of course, that has always been the case. but it doesnt flash itself like a neon sign like the way it is doing now. its been flashing for a few days now.

anyway, just woke up from a two hour sleep. day started around 930 am, went to school to do some waiting. waited for professors to sign my dropping slip. yes dropping slip. i gave up already. i think its affecting my health already. and im not doing well either. and since my body cant keep up anymore, i dont think i can improve my performance in order to fight til the end just to get a passing grade, like the way i used to do. anyway, im still not done with the waiting. so im going to do another day of waiting tomorrow and i hope i finish it before friday, because the last day is on thursday.

aside from waiting for professors, also waited for the results of my blood test. took another blood test in two days. not that it is needed. maybe i just got used to having a needle pierce through my skin.

happy valentines!

yeah right. i hate my life. not that im single (never been a problem before, and most likely never will). just took the civ pro exam a few hours ago. it was a 6-9 exam, very tiring and draining. wasnt able to answer all the items. crap. of course, that's not the only thing that made life suck. actually, it didnt make life suck, it just made it difficult. what made life suck today was the fact that, its valentine's day and looking at my life, well, not really looking at my life, but being reminded of what kind of life i have, shit, i ask myself, "when will it be my turn?" turn for what? turn to die of course! ive been having these chest pains lately, most likely, the civ pro subject is stressing me out. just yesterday, i cant read the codal provision because i keep feeling dizzy and found it really hard to concentrate because it felt like the surroundings are moving. anyway, while walking down the stairs in the library, i asked the question i ask myself from time to time, "will i drop dead now?". because like i said, ive been feeling those chest pains, particularly on the heart area. how long do i have to keep waking up in the morning? really getting tired of forcing myself to get out of bed.

can you believe it? because i cant!

so here i was, in the university arcade, past 4pm, about to eat merienda before the exam on civ pro at 6pm. then, i heard a slightly audible ringtone. at first, i looked around where the sound was coming from because i wasnt familiar with the ring tone, so i thought, it couldnt be my phone. but when i looked around, im the only person there! the manager of the cafeteria was somewhere in the kitchen, and the phone that was ringing was somewhere near, very near. so i checked my phone and well, to my surprise, it was my phone! holy crap, when did i set that ringtone? how come i never heard it before?

anyway, that's not the important part. so i opened the text message, and it was from jason. and his message said: "wala exam. sa wed exam. postponed. no joke". and my reaction was: "what the?". and since my phone didnt have any load, i immediately called the attention of the manager of the cafeteria to ask whether there's a nearby autoload store, and she said, the store right beside the cafeteria sells phone credits. so i asked her, whether she could look after my food for awhile, i really need to load up. so i quickly went to the store, asked for a P30 load, for globe. she said it wasnt available, they only had smart at the moment. so i asked, is there any other denomination available? i sounded like i really need to make a call as if it was a matter of life and death. she said the P100 prepaid card was available. so quickly, without giving it much thought, i bought the card, loaded it, and called jason to confirm. and he did confirm it wasnt a joke (and so did grace). and being the skeptic that i was, i still went back to malcolm hall to look for blockmates to confirm it. which they also did, saying "its true", "postponed", etc. still, a part of me is still filled with disbelief as if something that is contrary to reality just occurred. after almost an hour, and seeing my blockmates heading home, i finally said to myself, "ok, it seems the exam is indeed postponed". so i headed home too, and thinking if the exam did push through, im just going to drop the subject. i dont know why im excessively skeptical of things. is it an addiction or an illness? not that i dont believe my classmates, but i just found it hard to believe.

oh, i was so overwhelmed by the news, that i was heading for the waiting shed to ride a jeepney to go home, i forgot that i wasnt wearing my bag and that i had used the van that day! if i had noticed i wasnt carrying my bag, i would have realized it was in the van. if not for keisie asking me whether i commuted that day, i probably realized that i had a ride by the time i reached the shopping center.

home alone on a warm sunday afternoon, listening to V for Vendetta OST. i really enjoy being left alone in the house because its very relaxing. this is the only time i find the peace and comfort i always ask for. unfortunately, it isnt perfect. i have to study for civ pro (almost halfway done with the reviewer) so i really couldnt relax. well, not very much. at least this is better than not being home alone.

im currently reviewing/studying for my civ pro midterm exam tomorrow. anyway, i remembered a jesuit professor's comment with regard to the way the law is written. he was right, these codal provisions make it hard for a layman to understand them! why do they do that? why do they have to make the phrasing and the manner they write the law hard to understand? as the jesuit professor said, the law is written like the hieroglyphic writings of the Egyptians, and only the lawyers can decipher them! so was this intentionally done so there would always be a need for lawyers to interpret them and that the layman could not read and interpret the law on his own? well, the latter of course makes sense but still, shouldn't the law at least be clear and easy to understand so people could know it on their own without asking for the assistance of lawyers. i mean, just a simple understanding of it? because the way it is written, it just discourages people because its not easy to absorb. well, not easy to absorb for me. like some of my law professors say, sometimes, the provision is difficult to understand that you have to outline it. that is why one of my friends indirectly suggested that studying the law is like learning a foreign language.

soooo tired! the review class for civ pro ended past 10pm, almost 11 actually. so hungry and my brain cells have given up. wasnt absorbing anything the last 30 mins. and i wasnt feeling very well! not that im sick but the class just drains too much of my energy. this class is just too much for me, and one of these days, im going to find out that i developed another serious illness. im not sure if i can keep this up. well, its only less than 2 months, could it be that bad that i cant last for a few more weeks? the answer is yes! i just find it hard to keep up with the subject and the work load it demands. not really work load but the level you have to achieve to keep yourself afloat. right now, even if i have already eaten, my head still aches and i feel little nauseous.

no work and no play makes me a diabetic! holy crap, should at least consider doing any form of physical exertion. my inactive lifestyle started when i finished my ROTC class. ever since, i never did anything that could be considered as exercise. the doctor has already warned me that if i keep this up, im going to have spinal problems at an early age. im guessing in my 30s. well, im not really that physically unfit but i do get tired a lot or i get tired easily. also, since college, i knew my physical limitations. that i can only last for 30 mins of continued physical exertion. beyond that, i get nauseous and most likely vomit. as for intense and focused physical exertion, the time limit is 3 mins. beyond that, i become light headed. that was back in college, which was 3 years ago.

my left heel has been bothering me lately. i dont know why i experience pain on my left heel, as if there's a lump or something. not that there's a lump, but the same painful feeling you get from one. its been months now. oh well, as usual, im just going to ignore it, the same way i ignore the other aches i have. it will eventually go away. if it doesnt, im going to endure it (the same way i endure head aches, i really try not to take any medicine. why? its doesnt work anyway, why bother?). and if gets worse, well, thats my problem.

well, at least this day isnt a waste, as opposed to most of my days. by 2pm, i was already finished reading labor cases. that's about half way done for my classes tomorrow. i still have to read the provisions and cases for the energy draining 5 unit subject! was contemplating yesterday minutes before the class whether i should drop the subject or not. im not doing very well in it no matter how much i prepare. if i think about it, that's the subject im most prepared! maybe its the teaching style. i really cant attain that level of mastery. the way i see it, if a student is able to reach the teaching style's standards, the student can teach the subject already! not at the same level as the professor's but still, such mastery by the student is sufficient to at least show that the student has a very good grasp of civil procedure.

just another one of those days of tiring long drives. one amusing thing i saw today while driving on the way home was i saw two hearses! well, that explained the heavy traffic. but the amusing part was, for me anyways, that they were heading towards each other, with the cemetery between them. it was like hearse A was about half a kilometer away from the cemetery from the north, while hearse B was approximately the same distance away from the cemetery, coming from the south. doesnt seem that the two hearses and the convoys are aware of each other, so when both of them reach the cemetery, assuming they reach at the same time, then it would appear a little amusing since its not really that usual for something like that to happen.

one year and eight months! last log in was on the 24th of may, 2005.
--
3stan
lordanubis@mailworks.org

i accidentally activated my de-activated email.

and to prove how unfortunate i am, i have a 9am class. by quarter to 8 this morning, my cousin came, asking for help to write his paper (or at least type it). anyway, i have to leave the house by at least 830 am to make it for my 9am class. but well, i have no choice, my cousin's class is 830am, at quarter to 8, he's still not done with the paper. so i had to help him, it's just a little bit of typing and a little editing. we finished an hour later, quarter to 9! so i was already late! was able to leave 30mins later, 9:15am because i still have to take a bath and get dressed. and when i reached UP, and was already parking the van, i received a text message (nice timing, very fascinating, if only i received it 15mins earlier, it would have made a difference because i havent left the house yet), saying that the prof announced, the night before, were not holding classes that day! what the? either no one texted me, or the message was delayed by hours. anyway, still went to the classroom to check if i have a classmate with the same predicament classroom, and well, there was one. the person who texted me. the other one who texted me was also there earlier but already left to go home. so i rushed to UP for no reason! nice one God, you got me again. the timing of everything was well executed. i dont hate God for it, cant complain, life isnt that bad, only that, it isnt that good either compared to other people's lives. oh well, im almost numb to such situations anyway. before, it really pissed me off, especially when they come day after day after day, like a series of unfortunate events. it's bound to test your patience and drain your energy just to keep up with it. but, well, there are also good times, but not that good to really offset the bad. that's life.

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. - Narrator (Fight Club)

Well, mine isn't ending fast enough!

i was really pissed when i got home. why? the class ended past 8! and the official class schedule was 4-6pm. since the semester started, there was never an instance we followed that schedule! holy crap, when the class ended, most of us had this expression on our faces which could be translated as "what the f..." most, if not all, of us were hungry and tired. most, if not all, weren't absorbing what was being taught! we've waited since 4pm for the class and we haven't eaten since lunch! how conducive for learning to start at quarter to six after waiting since four and have your stomach grumbling an hour later. the class would have been great but unfortunately, the students don't have the energy for it given the circumstance.

even the download speed is slow! and i just spelled "dinosaur" as "dinasaur". thrice! am i becoming sort of dyslexic?

i like the cold weather today. it appeared a bit strange to have the cold weather today since it wasnt that cold before. but then again, the cold season wont end til february. anyway, the internet speed is really slow today. what the crap's wrong!

halfway done with the partnership cases...and its almost 1030am! well, the class is on 2pm. but still, instead of browsing stuff on the internet, i should be finishing the assigned cases. why do i always have to cram everything. besides, i have a midterm exam on monday! why dont i use my precious time studying for that! of course, i dont listen to myself. i rarely listen to anyone. i just do what i feel like doing. not a very good way of doing things. am i really "capricious and whimsical" as lai said?

im so bored aint i? multiply site still loading...its really becoming very inconvenient.

now im listening to "express yourself" by madonna.

uploading some pics on my multiply site...and its taking a while! when will the ordinary internet speed be restored! anyway, while blogging and waiting for it to load, im listening to "sugar pie honey bunch" by the four tops. just mentioned it for no reason

i miss the cranberries and the unique voice of dolores o' riordan...wonder what happened to them?

its past midnight on a school day. should have studied but i didnt. so what else is new? and i was thinking earlier that i was taking law school too seriously! where the hell did i get that idea? i was thinking i need to loosen up a little bit. loosen up? am i insane? i rarely study! what's there to loosen up? anyway, i was thinking that i should worry less of law school and stick to my style of handling things, which is, to take things easy, not too seriously, and make calculated risks. try not to aim too high, and make sure not to sink too low. my aim is to stay in the race, not win it. what kind of philosophy is that? hakuna matata? i dont know. its just that, when i dont handle it that way, disaster strikes.

another shitty day...just took the midterm exam...and i didnt do well. how did i know? the answer key for the exam was given...where's my confidence now! that always happens. why dont i ever learn? im always confident that im going to do ok, and when the semester is about to end, im squeezing everything i can squeeze out of each one of my brain cells because its a "do or die" situation. why cant i just do things the normal way or at least what most people do...why do i have to risk everything at the end of the semester? just doesnt make sense, and i know, one of these days, im going to make that miscalculation again and bury myself alive...again! see, i never learn. i keep pushing myself to the limit.

i was supposed to blog about something...but, well, as usual, i forgot what it was. anyway, the agency midterms is just a few days away (its on tuesday morning), and i still havent fully absorbed the fact that its a midterm exam! it is as if its just some quiz or something. i hate it. im just oozing with confidence that i would be able to study everything in time. but i have studied. problem is, i could be finished right now. all i did was sleep the entire day! woke up around 4pm, and just watched tv until 8pm. i officially started studying around 830. and i was studying the assigned readings for the monday class and not the for the midterm exam! I hate myself and procrastination. and look at me now, im blogging!

seems like blogger is also experiencing that slow internet speed!

anyway, i finally bought that card reader with a 3port usb hub. it was from the same shop i bought my 250gig hard disk. when i first asked how much it was, they told me it was P550. i thought back then it was a good price, considering most USB hubs cost more or less P600 in malls (4 port hubs), and branded ones cost around P350 in Gilmore. its like paying an additional P200 for the card reader (and i only need the SD, MMC and MS Duo card reader slots). so it wasnt that bad right? well, i didnt buy it yet because i didnt want to deplete my funds back then, i was still on christmas break and i might need the money for some other thing, and besides, it wasnt a necessity. so, i put buying the usb port/card reader on hold. come few weeks later, i went to the store, and fortunately, its still there, and well, the price dropped, nice! its only P500 flat! well, P50 isnt much but still, a price drop is a price drop. so it made me wonder, how come? seems like a good price, it might be one of those gadgets that dont last long. but it looks reliable. anyway, i decided to buy it, and thank God, im not that disappointed. the usb ports work, which are the ones i really need, and the card readers work, not with ease, but hey, still works, and thats what matters more. besides, it didnt cost much. im even charging my mp4 player right now! so i just hope this thing lasts, or at least not a waste of money.

its 2am in the morning, on a school week, and what am i doing? downloading "striptease" by demi moore, ripping "sex is zero" (a korean movie) and fixing my wallpaper collection. how productive of me.

can life get any worse? of course it can! holy carp! yes, carp (jay leno thinks the word crap is so unimaginative, and that made me think, but of course i dont agree with him, i like the word crap, but ive been using it too much).

anyway, its like a "three strikes you're out" scenario. got called for civil procedure class last wednesday, Jan10. i was able to blurt out a few sensible answers, not really good, but answers nonetheless. and since i barely recited, the prof, which was her usual way of conducting recitations, asked whether i would like to continue the following meeting, jan 12. and i said yes because it was a chance to improve my recitation grade since i would have the time to prepare. friday came, and well, it was a catastrophe, like my other usual recitations for other subjects. but even it was messed up recitation, the prof gave me another chance, to still recite on monday, jan 15. so monday came, and well, that recitation, where i was most prepared, was the worst of the three! it just pisses you off doesnt it? you work your ass off for nothing. and to make things a bit more frustrating, the prof thinks you're taking things for granted. well, that's my life and its really getting more fucked up by the minute.

starting to get used to the slow internet speed...seems it would really take weeks or months to fix those cables. anyway, the first 10 days of the year seem to be ok. got called for labor class. the only difference this time is that, wasnt sure if i really was called or not. the prof looked in our direction, and i thought he was looking at me, and since im usually called to recite, without waiting for him to utter a name, i stood up. the prof asked whether how sure was i that he was going to call me? well, since i already stood up, the prof allowed me to continue anyway. as for the next class, i also got called. this time its for sure, the prof called me, making a comment that she finally saw me. not sure if that meant its just my first time to recite or she realized that i didnt do well on the first time and i need to recite. anyway, fortunately, the bell rang, signifying the end of the class, so i can continue reciting the following meeting, giving me a day to prepare.

nothing much happened on the last day of the year 2006. went to the grocery, cheched some mp3s and other software cds in ali mall. went home and waited for the new year. that's pretty much what dec 31 2006 was. and when the new year came, there wasnt much fireworks, only loud booms and other rattling noises so there wasnt anything to photograph (and i charged my digicam! what a waste).

happy new year!!! wow, its not as thrilling as it used to be. 10 years ago, christmas eve and welcoming the new year is something that really kept me up and something i really anticipated. now, well, its no different from any other day, or night. we just eat at midnight, that's pretty much it. at least the internet connection seems to be back to normal again. as for the year 2007, i hope this will be a better year. didnt like 2006 that much although it wasnt that bad.

it took me hours to finish setting up the new hard disk. first, i had problems placing it in the CPU case (i thought it was too big since it barely fits. i wasnt the one who installed the other hard disk, the 20 gig one). im using the 20 gig for the OS and downloads, while the 250 gig will serve as the real storage space. so, after screwing it all up (which was a problem since the hard disk did not come with any screws, so i had to use what i have, re-postioned the other screws i have available, like the example of the car with a flat tire with four screws missing), i found out that the file system used by the guy on the computer shop was NTFS. i asked the guy to make the partitions on the disk so all i have to do is install it. forgot that i prefer the FAT32 file system since NTFS causes compatibility problems. so, i had to download a disk director to re-format the file system. then after that, i removed and re-installed the softwares i have on the 20 gig, so all the 20 gig contains is the OS. this took hours. almost finished now. the only thing i have left to restore are the wallpapers and yahoo messenger. still have problems with drive C though. no matter how many files ive deleted, it seems that drive C isnt freeing any space. its supposed to be 50% full but according to its disk properties, its 75% full. would have reformatted the disk but i dont know how to set up the DSL connection (those goddamn bastards in Bayantel took weeks to install the DSL service!) . that's the only thing preventing me from reformatting the local disk.

weird day for a ride on the mrt/lrt. for some reason, my sense of direction is poor earlier this day. cant find my way to the right platform (i went to the southbound platform before i realized that i am on the wrong side, and even had to make a fool of myself by confirming to the security guard whether im on the wrong platform). even had to ask for directions where the right platform is. dont know why i find it hard to remember (although i think im just doubting myself whether im right or not because i really know where to go, it just so happens i need some assurance whether im right). even forgot how to use the card. well, not really. like i said, i needed an assurance whether im holding the card properly so i wont have to do the trial and error thing on the card slot for the ticket.

finally!!! i've finally bought the 250 gig hard disk ive been longing for. well, not really 250 gig but ive been longing for a bigger hard disk. ive been stuck on a 20 gig hard disk since college. and back then, 20 gig wasnt that bad, but it was the 40 gig which people aim to have. actually, 40 gig was already the normal disk size, so people have started dumping their 20 gigs to get to 40 gig, and im just stepping from 2gig to 20gig! now, the largest disk size ive seen is around 700plus gig, and it costs more than P20,ooo. i got my 250 gig seagate hard disk for only P3950 (the usual price is around P4320). hope that i didnt get a defective one or a low quality hard disk. but its seagate, all my hard disk always had been seagate and never had problems with it. but it didnt cost that low though (if i were to adjust the price to the disk size and time it was for sale). anyway, so far, the hard disk is working fine, got lots of space for files, music and downloads. too bad the internet connection is still slow.

so, what did i do today? might as well write an entry while waiting for the other websites to load. well, all i did was wait inside the van, sit there and listen to some music (nelly furtado's loose album and the happy feet OST). aside from that, well, i saw a man peddling some DVDs and bought two (DoA and Happy Feet), since i dont have the time to go to Quiapo (and dont have the money to buy the ones being sold in malls). so there. that's about 3/4 of the entire day. well, i woke up around 12pm and its only 630 pm. well, the day is almost over (or is it?).

IMDB is still not finished!!! and i cant play neopets!

waiting for IMDB to load....and after 10 million years...still loading!!

just watched Dead or Alive on DVD, and i want to know who's who...

internet speed: still sloooooooooooowwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

at least blogger is working perfectly. maybe this will be one of the things i can do online. sigh. no neopets fun for a little while.

holy crap! the internet connection is sooo slooowww!!! wow, that earthquake in Taiwan must have really caused some considerable damage. according to news reports, it will take months before the undersea cables are fully repaired. hope they find an alternative solution or fix this ASAP. not that its affecting my neopets addiction but, well, it does sort of affects my daily internet activity.

wow, another blog entry in less than an hour. well, i just read my blog entry in my multiply site, and i what i can say about it is: i should learn how to post shorter blog entries. its really tiring to read a long blog entry. besides, my target reader is myself anyway.

i really should oblige myself to post something in this blog. ive neglected this site from quite some time. besides, i need to improve my writing skills.

so, what can i write for tonight? well, nothing much happened today. just stayed home, since it's official, im on christmas break! i received a text message from grace telling me that the make up classes for civil procedure will not push throught. well, that is good news for this year but a bit of a bad news for next year. not having the classes this tuesday and wednesday means a heavier load next month and next year, and that we will have to catch up with more lessons. also, there are other make-up classes for other subjects. so, well, not sure right now whether to savor the break while there's the chance to take a rest and relax, or to still study in order to minimize the load for next year. cant it be both? well, of course it can, but it wont be much as good if i choose only one, but at least i get to accomplish two things. oh well, hope i get to decide by the time a wake up later.

there is nothing in this life that could ever make me happy. this life sucks and its not worth living. im tired!!!

wow, its been a while. it seems that i forgot about blogging...anyway, its a lazy monday afternoon and vacation is almost over. if i think about it, vacation is over. wait, if i think about it again, it seems i didnt have a vacation! for two months, april and may, i was the family driver, how nice. i drove to cavite, to montalban, to caloocan, to novaliches, to pasig, ortigas, makati, las pinas, etc. its a very tiring vacation. and i didnt even get to read any book!

this week is supposed to be enrollment week and im not even sure if im qualified for enrollment! the grades for the second semester of SY 2005-2006 aren't out yet...well, most of the grades. so how am i supposed to know if my GWA is high enough to be able to enter the sophomore year when i can't compute my yearly GWA!

Just Asking

What the hell is my problem? This has been one of the questions I constantly ask myself for years and until now, I have no idea what the f***'s the answer. What are the other questions you ask? I'll tell you some other time, but for now, let's focus on this question, even if I know it won't be answered tonight.

I could now say, it has been two weeks since I seriously studied, and I better get my groove back or else (meaning another memory to repress or another personality to create to carry the tragic event that is about to happen). I thought Banjo's gone, but well, he's just dormant, and right now, I am starting to develop a theory of when he pops up. At least I have an idea when the Fruit Fairy comes out. As for the others, they still remain a secret, even Estong who can exist independently. Not even sure if he is a personality of his own.

Another Tiring Weekend.

Its a sunday morning and i want to go back to sleep. but i cant. why? because ive slept for 15 hours straight! i was so tired that when i got home yesterday afternoon, saturday, around 4 or 5 pm, i went straight to bed and i woke up around 8 am this sunday. i was so tired because we prepared our report on the Sandiganbayan. i went to UP last Friday, 8:30 am to wait for a groupmate who would accompany me to the house of another groupmate, which is in muntinlupa, and already near laguna. we got there in the afternoon, and we started doing the assigned project after lunch. and from there, we worked straight until around 8 am, the following morning. and the class report was supposed to start by 8 am! well, we got to school by 10 am, and we were able to present the report we made. but after that, instead of going straight home, i lingered a little bit longer inside the campus to hang out with some of my blockates. why? because i dont want to go sleep, not yet. i dont want to have another one of those insomnia sessions. it just drives me crazy and i really think im starting to go insane. so there. two days disappeared just like that. fortunately, the brokeback friday was fun, and the warm, lazy saturday wasn't that bad either.

also, it was another expensive weekend, compared to last weekend, because, i went to fridays on a thursday afternoon which was unplanned, paid P230. i went to muntinlupa/laguna, and spent P400 for gas money. then had lunch on a saturday, around P100. so, i spent around P730 in three days which i didnt plan at all. im not even sure if i can save some money this coming week because its valentine's day on tuesday. not that i have plans but there are places i can go to and people i can go with.

Weird Week

This was probably the weirdest week i've ever had. i usually have two classes per day for four days every week. so its two classes from monday to thursday. but this week, for the entire four days, i only had two classes, out of the eight. five of them were free cuts, the sixth class was excused. it was really weird. the first class of the week, asked for a make up class because, i cant remember the reason, anyway, we just cant hold classes that time. for the second class, the professor was sick. the following day, the third class, i was excused because i had to conduct an interview for a report on that same class which will be held on the coming weekend, saturday morning. then the fourth class, was announced to be a free cut. so in the first two days of the week, i didnt attend any class. on the third day, for the fifth class, instead of holding regular classes, the professor required us to attend a forum, because the professor was one of the guest speakers of the forum. the sixth class was my first class for the week, and by that time i was already feeling that luck is about to run out. i mean, i consider the first two days of no classes as lucky days because i wasnt prepared to attend classes for that week because of the long, unusual weekend i had before, so i wasnt able to study for any subject. and well, i was right. the following day, the seventh class, i was called to recite. i didnt do very well. not as bad as my previous recitation for that class, but not very good either to merit a good grade. anyway, the eighth class was also a free cut. so the week ended, and i only attended two classes.

Long Weekend

Friday: I conducted an interview in the Sandiganbayan, along with three of my group mates and one of my group mate’s girlfriend who tagged along to help us with our class project. We arrived in Sandiganbayan around 10:15 am (the appointment was supposed to be 10 am) and from there, we pestered the people working in Sandiganbayan with questions ranging from a bit serious to just plain absurd and irrelevant. We had lunch in the cafeteria, got a little peeved with the price of the Japanese food they were selling. Fortunately it wasn’t bad. We finished around 4 pm and then three of us went back to UP and hung out for a while. Come around 5-6pm, two of us went back to our humble abodes to waste some time while waiting for a friend who works in the Ortigas area. Got a text a message regarding the reunion for the following day while I was changing my clothes (since I was wearing a semi formal attire for the interview I conducted earlier). Still didn’t have a hint it was going to be a long, tiring weekend. An hour later, we met up with two more friends from Ateneo law, who are also planning to wander around since it was a Friday night. We went to Quatro, Timog. This is where I broke my promise not to drink. Well, not really promise not to drink but reserve my alcohol drinking to special occasions, and I don’t think that was an occasion that could be considered special. Anyway, an hour or two later, we decided to tag along with two of our friends to go to Oyster Boy, Ortigas. This is where I broke my promise to never smoke again. I don’t what happened, I just felt compelled to smoke. Had two sticks. Then, for the third and last time, we decided to go to Drew’s, Katipunan to join some other friends, who were already very tipsy. Ok, so I spent a lot of gas money that night, and all I had to drink was one bottle of san mig light and smoke maybe around 6 sticks of cigarette. We finished around 1 am, I think. Or was it 2 am? Can’t actually remember. Anyway, point is, I went home late.

Saturday: I think I woke up around 10 am to eat some breakfast, and then I slept again until lunch. After eating lunch, took a bath, then slept again. I really felt tired and drained and dehydrated. So aside from sleeping, I kept on drinking water the entire day. Anyway, I finally decided I’m going to this grade school reunion, which was set at 8pm, at Quatro, Timog. I left our house around quarter to 9, not that I want to be fashionably late but I had things to do before I go (like change the parking spot in the garage) and I knew people won’t arrive until maybe 8:30 pm. So, I got there at 9 pm, maybe I was just on time. I really didn’t expect I was going to enjoy the night, since I really had no memories to share with them, but well, I actually did have fun. I enjoyed their company and I was really happy that I decided to join them this time. And since they didn’t know about my blood problem, no one was going to stop me from drinking. So I ordered two macho mugs of san mig light and chugged down half macho mug of red horse. Didn’t care if I die that night, I just love alcohol, and I’m going to die happy. Anyway, we ended around 4 am, got home around 4:30 am. It was nice to catch up with people whom you haven’t seen for 10 years. Really makes you think of what could have been or how life can be, well, as it is. I was glad to have seen them again after all these years.

Sunday: For some strange reason, I woke up around 8:30 am, and I was wide awake. I didn’t feel sleepy after sleeping for only four hours. I had a headache though. So I drank lots of water again to hydrate myself. Around lunchtime, I drove my family to Shopwise, and then I loitered in Gateway for a while. Then I thought of a friend who works there, so I texted her if I could hang out with her for a while since I was just roaming around the mall she was working in. So there, we talked, told her about this girl I like, and then minutes later, my sister texted me we had to go home. My not so usual weekend ended there. Started around 9 am of Friday and ended Sunday, around 3 or 4 pm. Wait, also got a text message inviting me to join a Valentine’s Singles Dinner. Not sure if I’ll go. So there.

friday last week

why? why? why! last week, when i was too lazy to bring the van to school, i decided to commute and of all the people i can come across with, it had to be double d. one of the few persons that really sucks out the confidence in me. i really feel bad about myself whenever i see him and last friday was no different. i was so close to the school, it was only a few meters away when he rode the jeepney i was in. he paid the fare after he seated himself in the same side i am in. i was only one person away. not sure if he saw me at once, but well, i didnt have to worry about that because when i was about to get off the jeep, being the large, clumsy idiot that i am, i almost stepped on his foot. ok, so i got his attention, and i had to apologize (again! for the nth time) because i accidentally hit his foot. what can i do, i really dont fit in jeepneys. so, when i finally reached the library, it took me a few more minutes to focus because dobol d just make me worry about my studies. i should be performing well, far more better than what i am doing right now.

well, at least now, im not as distracted as i used to be. luningning isnt bothering me as much as she used to two weeks ago. i still think about her but im starting to convince myself, i would have to let go. i really feel that the next time i see her, i have to say goodbye or i will have to accept the fact that, well, nothing can ever happen between us.