using friendster has become depressing. seeing your friends, old and new, then looking at where i am at the moment, its just not something to be happy about. i feel like i made a wrong turn along the way. i feel like im the only one who refuses to grow up and move forward. i feel like im the only one stuck somewhere. i feel like im the only one. being the only one wasnt a problem before because i saw it as something that made me unique, like a professor joked, im a class of my own. i dont go around socializing with just anybody. but i digress. the point is, seeing myself as being the only who seems to be the one left behind while everyone keeps moving forward makes me ask the question: will i stay the way i am or will i try to catch up? right now, i ask another question, what's the point of catching up? so what if they are far ahead in life? not that it matters to me because im tired of life. it wont make much difference. if i stay where i am and stay the way i am, im going to get used to be stuck and being left behind. its only a matter of time anyway. ive reached this far doing things my way, and doing things alone, so its safer to keep on doing what ive done before. so am i afraid to take risks? not really. i just dont take it when i dont see the point in taking it. why waste energy and effort when there's no reason behind it? so everything must have a reason? yes.