you know what my problem is? problem is, i dont have a heart. not literally of course, but you know what i mean. what makes it worse is that, i act sometimes as if i have a heart. so do i get credit for that? pretending to have a heart? that's why some of the things i do just end up like pieces of crap, or a pile of crap. it just lacks that heart part. what can i do, i just dont have it. and i realized, i was better off not attempting to have a heart. life was easier, and much peaceful. it was a simple life to be who i really am without trying to contradict it. just be cold, heartless and detached. that's who i am, why bother changing it. ok, having emotions are ok, but it's getting tiring in the long run. it looks like fun, but i guess its not for me. it really is irrational and right now it has become pointless. so, revert back to the old ways? yeah, but it wont be easy. it wont be like the first time, where i just woke up one day and im emotionally dead. now, its a conscious decision and it would take some time reinforcing the old habits.