one of those rare nights im in the mood to be "online" on Yahoo messenger, and no one's "online". am i that messed up? that im willing to change my status from "invisible" to "available"?

i thought dropping the subject would make me feel better, because there is less mental burden. well, it made feel bad because if only i was strong enough physically and mentally, i wouldnt need to drop it. but well, im not. and dropping the subject only meant that it wont aggravate the situation or condition im in and i would not be as stressed as i am now. and what is that? still got no clue. am i losing my mind? i have no idea. the only clear thing is something's up and its bothering me so badly, that i need to pull myself together when that opportunity comes or else. or else what? how should i know. all i know its an "or else" situation.