its official, i have a cold! the common cold! the cold virus won the battle against my immune system this morning. well, i already felt i was going to be ill a few days ago, meaning i knew that i was already infected by the cold virus and it was only a matter of time before it wins the battle against my immune system, but i was hoping that my body could resort to some kind of measures so that i wouldnt have the slight fever i had this morning when i woke up. i dont know, make the cold feel like nothing? i really hate having a runny nose and nasal congestion, especially nasal congestion! cant sleep!

anyway, even if i had a slight fever, i still went to UP to study. i really am going to take things seriously this time. even if i wasnt feeling well, i was able to study from 1pm to 4pm. im a bit disappointed because i wanted to study til 7pm but, i really cant force myself anymore, i might aggravate the illness. to make me feel better, i decided to eat at kenny roger's and try their cheeseburger. it was tasty like bruno said, but i still prefer wham burgers because it has more meat (much more meat! but i should also start going back to latasia fusion, i need to have a good dose of veggie food. as of now, cant picture myself becoming a vegetarian or a vegan. but i do understand what veggie people are fighting for, why they do what they do, and i wish i could contribute but, im just a meat lover, sorry. maybe in 10 years, i might reconsider and actually change). and i also like brothers burger better. at least the burger at kenny rogers are better than the fast food ones (i like jollibee's champ more than mcdonalds big mac because big macs are "dry", and i like the juicy tomatoes they use in champ burgers). or maybe i wasnt able to fully appreciate kenny roger's burger because i have a cold? ok, so ill try it again when im "cold-free".

also, i appreciated the concern of jason, cheska and jump. they were also at the library. i mean, ok, i have a cold and slight fever trying to finish all the assigned readings because i have something to do on sunday. it wasnt a big deal for me. shit happens and well, i just have to deal with it right? but sometimes i forget that i dont have to deal with things alone. they showed their sense of compassion by well, giving me tips on how to deal with the cold and offering me some medicine and peanuts. really liked the peanuts. how come i never thought of eating peanuts in the library while studying? apparently, what i do in the library most of the time is sleep. not this time, not this semester. anyway, those small acts did make me feel better. why? because i didnt expect it. maybe its part of human nature or im just out of touch (most likely the latter). my college blockmates have showed this nice side of human nature so many times but until now, i still find it puzzling. i live the life the way Hobbes described the life of man in the state of nature: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. im just used to dealing with things alone when ive never been alone my entire life. i always had friends who were there for me. unfortunately, i wasnt there for them. well, wasnt there all the time. i was only there when they directly and specifically ask for it. but i wont be there volunteering myself or do stuff without being told. i assumed they think the way i think: fight the battles alone. help is only an option one should always hesitate to take. thats how i thought a person should be responsible for his or her actions. never think there will be someone to help. well, some people frown upon this idea of dealing with life.

anyway, i appreciate what they did but i just dont know how to show that appreciation. i just cant stop myself from withdrawing, from moving away from people. i find it hard to learn how to depend and trust other people. some friends have lectured me on this. i dont know. to change or not to change. of course people would say that i choose the former but i have grown comfortable with the latter. so, it wont be that easy even if i think changing myself is what seems to be the right thing to do.