ok, this day didnt go well. but it wasnt bad either. woke up late again. its really a big problem for me because once i go to sleep, its hard for me to force myself to wake-up. i mean, the alarm clock wakes me up but i go back to sleep again. im very irrational and rational at the same time during these moments. rational in a sense because i can deliberate clearly on some things but irrational because when i weigh what's important, usually, its sleep that i give the most weight. like, my target is to wake up by 730 am. when i hear the alarm by 630am, i start to calculate how many readings i have to read and how long it will take me to finish them. then i start asking, is it really necessary to wake this early? this is where i start to be in favor of studying by way of cramming. like i try to calculate the exact length of time it would take me to finish the assigned readings, and finish it right before the first class. now, these are always mere estimations, sometimes i accomplish it, sometimes i dont. but this would be possible if i wake up at my secondary target time (since i deliberated this by 630am, i would set another time after making my calculations, so lets say i calculated 8am would be the time i should wake up to get to school by 9am because i only need more or less 4 hours to study...or cram...everything). lately, i dont wake up on the secondary target time because i forget to set the alarm clock again. so thats why i woke up late a while ago. but i was able to study for both my classes. but well, those efforts werent good enough. got called again in transpo class, and like last week, my recitation was crap. and when i say crap, i do mean crap. so, this means, i need to exert more effort, more than what im doing right now. weird part is, i fared better when i was taking things lightly. should i go back to my old and tested ways? maybe i should give the new study habits a few more weeks.

this day went well. woke up a bit later than i wanted. i was supposed to go to school and be there by 730am, or at least 8am to study but unfortunately i woke up around 9am. a few minutes after waking up, i got a text message saying we wont have class for PIL, my first class for the day. nice, thanks God, i appreciate that. it gave me time to study for the remaining subjects. ive already read the assigned readings a few days ago, but like jump said a while ago, the problem is retention. i wasnt able to retain much from what i read. i know why. im used to studying on the last minute, im a crammer to the core. so no matter how many times ive read the assigned readings, i wont really absorb it until its crunchtime. and true enough, most of what i retained came from what i read just a while ago. so i better change that study habit.

so nothing extraordinary happened today, just another usual law school day. well, except that nikki was in UP a while ago to do her research for her thesis. it was nice to see a college blockmate again. and it also confirms that im not the type who easily misses people or miss their company. when i saw her, after not seeing her for...umm...months?... it was as if i just saw her yesterday.

and mark just texted me, informing me of the tragic thing that happened to chris benoit. its shocking but im guessing it might be career related. if not, then it was really a very serious family problem.

there is a God! got a text message this morning that we wont meet for our first class. this is what ateneans refer to as a "free cut" (since i was informed that its not usual to hear this term in UP and those who use it in UP came from ateneo). anyway, really thankful for that because technically, i had no weekend (because of the notion that weekends are supposed to be rest periods). i spent friday and saturday studying. i also used a bit of sunday (i used sunday evening to write a paper for a law class) to study but spent most of it on some other thing which i would not consider as a break that means resting period but a break from law school because its not a law related activity. the past few days had been mentally tiring but i should start getting used to it if im serious on changing my study habits and taking law school seriously. ive studied harder before, much harder than the kind of studying im doing now, so i shouldnt take long getting used to this. but then again, back then, it didnt really prove to be productive. ok, i was able to study very well but that meant having all my energy channeled in one direction (maybe that's the problem, i channeled all of my energy). so the level of focus and concentration i gave on studying lead me to neglect everything else and to a certain extent made me weak. i think vulnerable would be a more appropriate word. therefore, i shouldnt commit the same mistake again. i shouldnt focus everything on studying and drain my energy just to improve my mental side because it would weaken my emotional and physical side and make it prone to injury, just like what happened before. it took one hit to set a chain of events that would make me plummet down so fast i wouldnt have time to take evasive action or at least do some type of damage control.

another tiring day. woke up with a clogged nose because of the cold. then a few hours later, around 1:30pm, i went to UP. i used the van to go to there because i wasnt in the mood to commute on a sunday. the roads are not as congested compared to ordinary weekdays so its nice to drive than to commute. it was the first time this semester i used the van. its been some time since i drove. anyway got home around 7pm and it was a nice drive home because there was this light rain, and it was already a bit dark and the roads are clear! its not the usual driving atmosphere. the air is cool, the road is wet and not much vehicles to mind while driving. ok, the wet road is problematic but for some reason, i liked driving fast on wet roads, not that i was running on slippery roads but it was easier to steer. so i was making turns at not so slow speeds. the liteace van we have is not that easy to drive, i mean, those who use it say that its a bit harder compared to the ones they use. you have to step on the brakes harder, turn the steering wheel harder, etc. that kind of harder and not in the sense its complicated to drive.

its official, i have a cold! the common cold! the cold virus won the battle against my immune system this morning. well, i already felt i was going to be ill a few days ago, meaning i knew that i was already infected by the cold virus and it was only a matter of time before it wins the battle against my immune system, but i was hoping that my body could resort to some kind of measures so that i wouldnt have the slight fever i had this morning when i woke up. i dont know, make the cold feel like nothing? i really hate having a runny nose and nasal congestion, especially nasal congestion! cant sleep!

anyway, even if i had a slight fever, i still went to UP to study. i really am going to take things seriously this time. even if i wasnt feeling well, i was able to study from 1pm to 4pm. im a bit disappointed because i wanted to study til 7pm but, i really cant force myself anymore, i might aggravate the illness. to make me feel better, i decided to eat at kenny roger's and try their cheeseburger. it was tasty like bruno said, but i still prefer wham burgers because it has more meat (much more meat! but i should also start going back to latasia fusion, i need to have a good dose of veggie food. as of now, cant picture myself becoming a vegetarian or a vegan. but i do understand what veggie people are fighting for, why they do what they do, and i wish i could contribute but, im just a meat lover, sorry. maybe in 10 years, i might reconsider and actually change). and i also like brothers burger better. at least the burger at kenny rogers are better than the fast food ones (i like jollibee's champ more than mcdonalds big mac because big macs are "dry", and i like the juicy tomatoes they use in champ burgers). or maybe i wasnt able to fully appreciate kenny roger's burger because i have a cold? ok, so ill try it again when im "cold-free".

also, i appreciated the concern of jason, cheska and jump. they were also at the library. i mean, ok, i have a cold and slight fever trying to finish all the assigned readings because i have something to do on sunday. it wasnt a big deal for me. shit happens and well, i just have to deal with it right? but sometimes i forget that i dont have to deal with things alone. they showed their sense of compassion by well, giving me tips on how to deal with the cold and offering me some medicine and peanuts. really liked the peanuts. how come i never thought of eating peanuts in the library while studying? apparently, what i do in the library most of the time is sleep. not this time, not this semester. anyway, those small acts did make me feel better. why? because i didnt expect it. maybe its part of human nature or im just out of touch (most likely the latter). my college blockmates have showed this nice side of human nature so many times but until now, i still find it puzzling. i live the life the way Hobbes described the life of man in the state of nature: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. im just used to dealing with things alone when ive never been alone my entire life. i always had friends who were there for me. unfortunately, i wasnt there for them. well, wasnt there all the time. i was only there when they directly and specifically ask for it. but i wont be there volunteering myself or do stuff without being told. i assumed they think the way i think: fight the battles alone. help is only an option one should always hesitate to take. thats how i thought a person should be responsible for his or her actions. never think there will be someone to help. well, some people frown upon this idea of dealing with life.

anyway, i appreciate what they did but i just dont know how to show that appreciation. i just cant stop myself from withdrawing, from moving away from people. i find it hard to learn how to depend and trust other people. some friends have lectured me on this. i dont know. to change or not to change. of course people would say that i choose the former but i have grown comfortable with the latter. so, it wont be that easy even if i think changing myself is what seems to be the right thing to do.

not much happened this friday. all i did was study in the law library (yeah baby! im studious! and not a stooge...corny). got there around 11am, read until 12, ate lunch til 1230, back to studying til 7pm! of course there are a few 15 minute breaks here and there but i would say, not bad. its an improvement, big improvement! i was able to finish my assigned readings for 2 of my subjects for tuesday. going back to the library again this saturday and do another day of studying. hope i finish the readings for monday's classes. why? because i have things to do on sunday.

crap! im drinking hot milo and my mug almost slipped from my hand. if it did, my computer's keyboard would have gotten wet and well, i would probably need to buy a new one.

why am i drinking hot milo when the weather hasnt changed? it is still fuckin hot!

well, its because i think im going to have a cold. i already felt very weak when i woke up this morning (that's why i wasnt able to study for PIL and had to cut class...that's just irritating because im aiming to have a good attendance for this sem and i already have an absence on the first two weeks of classes!).

well, this day went well. was able to study for the remaining classes, and fortunately i wasnt called. i could answer but im really fully prepared. but then again, since when was i fully prepared? even if i read the assignment so many times, the professor can always think of a question the student would not have been able to anticipate. that's law school professors for you.

so, what happened today? well, i wasnt feeling well when i woke up. feeling a bit dizzy til around lunchtime and i had a 1pm class. so i started thinking of a strategy. i mean, im not feeling well and im not prepared for class . if i go attend my three classes unprepared, i might ruin 9 units. if i cut my first class which is at 1pm, i sacrifice 3 units, and possibly save my 6 units if i could use the time which is allotted for my first class for studying for the two other subjects. i wouldnt resort to this if i was in my...umm...optimal level or something like that. since i wasnt feeling well, i couldnt exert as much effort and i had to study slower than usual because i dont want to aggravate my health.

anyway, i chose the latter, cutting my first class and try to study for the two remaining subjects. fortunately, i was feeling better by 1pm. unfortunately, i wont make it on my 1pm class. fortunately, there wasnt a 1pm class! jump texted me we dont have a 1pm class for today. unfortunately, since i wasnt at school, i wasnt able to sign up for the readings being photocopied. but fortunately, i was able to borrow a copy from ten so i was able to photocopy the readings. unfortunately, i wasnt able to sign up for the other set of readings because i didnt know there was more than one set of readings! crap. and tomorrow will be another tiring day. at least the day would start a little late because my first class is a 5pm class, so i have time to study for my subjects tomorrow. unfortunately, since the classes are late in the afternoon, it also means im going to have class til night time. the problem with this is that i have less time to study for my thursday classes. but at least i have a light friday sched so i can rest after a tiring week. but im going to be busy this weekend, so...crap. this is why i dont want to think ahead.

havent posted anything for a while (except the rant below). ive been occupied with stuff lately. not really busy. something close to busy since i have enough time to rest and similar stuff.

so, my last post before my rant was june 7. ok. its been more than a week. june 12 was the first day of classes. really annoying for the president to move it to june 11. its independence day! its not the same celebrating independence day on june 11. i just dont know how to appreciate our independence. point is, it shouldn't have been moved! ok, this is turning into another rant.

anyway, first day of classes went fine. and so did the other classes. already had some recitations. no humiliating experience, thank God for that.

last thursday, june 14, barely had sleep because i had to submit a paper by 10am, by email. finished it by 9am. emailed it a few minutes later and took a bath to prepare for school. being the paranoid shithead that i am, i checked if my email bounced, and well, it did! had the wrong email address, texted jason and jump for the correct one. when jason texted me the correct one, the email bounced again! why? inbox full! i looked at the time, it was 945am, 15 mins away from the deadline, good thing i was already dressed, so i rushed to malcolm hall, got there 15 mins past the deadline. what a way to start the first weeek of classes. no sleep, rushing to meet a deadline. and to make things worse, since i was already lightheaded due to lack of sleep (i hate it when i dont get at least 6-7 hours of sleep, this also means i do not deprive myself of sleep unless i came from a party or, like the one above, i need to finish something), during the classes, i couldnt follow a thing the professors were saying! i understand the words but i dont understand the sentences! i felt so stupid. grace was asking me stuff during evidence class and i understand what she was saying but i cant think of an answer to what she was asking because mam avena's lecture was clear but for some reason, the things she were saying were not sinking in! all i really wanted to do by that time was to sleep. good thing i have a very light schedule on fridays.

and now its monday. had to submit another paper, due 12am, finished it around 11am, was able to submit it by 11:15am, by posting it online. and tomorrow will be another tiring day (three classes, 9 units, under a good line-up of brilliant professors...translation: difficult! come to think of it, our block is lucky to have such professors. ok, the grades they give may make our transcripts look bad but at least we learn a lot from them and they really would make sure that our time in the classroom is not wasted. easy for me to say since im not very mindful of the grades i get)

i hate bayantel's DSL service! their customer service is fine, but the connection itself sucks! it was ok the first few months, then came the earthquake that caused connection problems. ok, that was force majeure so cant really blame bayantel for that. then it was ok again for a few months or so, but starting May, the internet service just keeps getting problems. even if they have efficient customer service and they do fix it quickly, calling customer service often is really fucking annoying. wait, what am i complaining about? intermittent connection! and sometimes, the connection speed is just so fuckin slow! nice. this explains why bayantel is bayantel.

weird...why didnt i post this? its actually june 18 right now, and i checked my posts, and this was labeled as draft...i have no idea why i didnt post this and decided to save it as draft...looks finished to me...anyway, this is the short entry:


its almost midnight, and im sleepy. but since its so hot, im sure that i wont be able to fall asleep.

anyway, ive been trying to recall what song mentioned Mobius strip in its lyrics. i kept thinking of alanis morissette until i gave up and googled it. the answer? nelly furtado's "Hey Man"

i went to the mall a while ago to eat lunch. i came from UP because i had to pay my tuition fee. im a bit thankful im not covered by the tuition fee increase but at the same time, im a bit disturbed by the increase itself. it really is a big increase! anyway, im digressing, again! so i was at the mall, and i thought to myself, how the hell was i able to watch all the movies last semester? and when i say movies, i mean not only the ones shown in cinemas but also the ones on video. it appeared to me that i had a lot of time, when in fact i had little time. i was about to say no time to watch movies but that would be an exaggeration. well, no time to watch all of those movies i watched, thats a bit realistic statement. anyway, its weird because the way i remember it, i was also able to read all my readings. where the hell did i get all that time? maybe bruno has a point, maybe it appeared to me i was studying. because between movies and studying, i am more certain that i watched those movies, i couldnt have imagined it. but i also know i read my readings! why would they have highlighted pages? it wont highlight itself! but then again, last semester was so stressful, that's why i watched movies a lot. and also, i had problems concentrating and focusing in school. in addition to some personal stuff that bothered me. for sure, im not crazy to have imagined i was studying. anyway, i better not repeat the kind of performance i did last semester because my grades...my grades are just so bad. but then again, things just went beyond my control last semester. this time, i better double my efforts, and just hope that i have full control of things. ok, maybe if not full control, considerable control so that i wont make my grades plunge so low, i would be burying myself alive.

june 07, 2007..still hot! aah! when will the cold weather kick in? actually, it kicked in already...for a few days! i dont mind the heat, as long as its not this hot! fuckin annoying!

anyway, what have i been up to lately. havent posted a blog entry for 2 weeks. i think. well, i remember going to this program/event organized by FIND and the Lagman family. other than that, i spent the remaining days of May 2007 at home (aside from the weekends at Montalban, where these past 2 weeks, we did some painting...messy, messy activity...painted my cabinet black with neon green edges using spray paint for the neon green. i was trying to do a matrix color theme...didnt quite work out the way i wanted it to be. i mean, its still too dark. the combination is what i expected it to be, but i need more neon green. so i think im just going to buy some glow in the dark stickers).

then came june. stayed at home most of the time, trying to savor the last few days of vacation. but the days really became more of a blur. i sleep too much. anyway, by june 06, had to enroll. i was a bit worried because it also meant more grades would come out. the grades are always incomplete, its still incomplete, which is a good thing for those like me who arent doing very well. this grading system academic institutions use just doesnt work for me. but what can i do, thats the best thing universities and schools can use to evaluate students. im digressing. the reason i mentioned enrollment is because of the great improvement in the process or procedure. it took me a total of more or less three hours to enroll. unlike the past semesters where it took me an entire day. also, i noticed, i am always part of the group where the cut off for the day is made. its like, im always there when the college secretary says, "this is the last batch, tell the others that they will be entertained tomorrow. its time to call it a day" wow, am i jinxed or something? its like, once i step in the office to go to the adviser, the cut off begins.

so, that's what i have been up to lately. nothing much huh?