i feel better after a good rant. but still, God, dafuq? You do know how it hurts for me? send another girl again that i will certainly like, i will reject her the instant i see her. im seriously sick and tired of getting my heart broken because i never stop trying and hoping. or simply because a goddamn hot chick is my ultimate weakness. fuck You God. You give me a goddamn brain and it stops working when i fall for a girl. just when i need it the most. sorry, but with all these failures, i can never trust my goddamn heart.

hey God! im really getting sick and tired of Your shit. just when im back up again, You knock me down real hard. tubthumpin huh? You think its funny?

You make me fall for someone else and make me believe again, hope for something nice. Then You take her away. Fine. maybe You didn't take her away. But my question is, why let me meet her when I've decided not to fall for someone again, then make me like her, and after i struggle to avoid her because i knew right from the moment i saw her a few months ago im going to fall for her, You make her pull me back to her only to get rejected? seriously God, when are You going to stop? You do this every time i decide to live that solitary life. You send a girl i will certainly like and when i do something about it, it ends up with a fucking "nope. sorry. not gonna happen". im assuming its my fault i got rejected for the nth time. whose fault could it be? right? then why keep doing it damn it! obviously im not learning and i keep getting my heart fucking broken. but no, you built me in such a way that no matter what happens i wont really break. just close to breaking point but never break. You do know that this game of Yours is starting to take its toll? Why not kill me instantly? Why do i have to endure Your goddamn shit? holy fucking crap. ive been having chest pains for almost a goddamn year now and it got more frequent since i got rejected again. and this exercise of Yours is for obviously no reason at all. because ive tried following Your goddamn rules before, used to believe in them and it always makes me miserable after.

You know, that card reader's right. when she saw me, she asked why im fucking sad. well, her cards said it. i wont get what i want. it was a big fat "NO!" i didnt want to believe in it. i still hoped i will find a girl i want. found one again more or less a month after that card reading. but with this recent rejection, im starting to think it makes more sense to believe in her cards than in Your stupid game.