i would rather be hurt by the truth than be lied to. not that i dont like lies. im a big fat liar myself. i just dont like being lied to. i would rather have the harsh and cruel truth. but maybe its too much to ask for a liar like myself.

have a kitkat damn it!

people have been telling me to take a break but i still have a lot of stuff to do. im tired but for some reason, i really cant stop or i cant drop the stuff im doing. i just cant. its not that im too absorbed with work or im too absorbed with law school stuff or too absorbed with the other stuff im doing. i dont even focus on any of it. i try to do all. jack of all trades, master of none. variety is what keeps me going i guess.

yey! no class later. more time for work

im tired. i want to sleep. but i cant!!!! i need to study after work. just two more weeks. two more weeks. two more weeks then i can start focusing on stuff that i cant attend to like the real property concerns, backing up of files and reformatting the PC, installing softwares, etc. i wonder when i will be in the mood to really rest?

in a few minutes, i will leave the office. the work day is about to end. now comes the acads component of the day. off to the fast food place im in the mood to go to and...study while eating until my brain gives up. then sleep. then wake up and do this again for the next few months. and when my work contract expires, if things go well in school, i will go full time in studying for the next 5 months. then after that, i will find another employment and work full time. do this for the remainder of my life. hopefully, i would be too busy to notice that time has passed me by. thats what this life is all about now.

if the things im doing right now wont kill me eventually, i dont know what will. too much stuff to do. work, school, meetings that arent work and school related, etc. i dont have time for family gatherings and social stuff with friends. eventually, i wont have friends because im too caught up with serious stuff. eventually i wont have a family because they wont be seeing me anymore due to my priorization of the serious stuff.

why is there no coffee delivery service? i would like to have some cappuccino right now but im too lazy to go out. actually, its better that i dont go out. need to control my spending.

tomorrow will be november 30. unlike 2 years ago, tomorrow isnt really a deadline ive set. its more of seriously starting "re-activating" what should have been done this year. now that i think about it, my self six years ago was correct. things are happening the way i thought will happen. if i didnt change myself back in 2004, all these wont be a problem. i shouldnt have listened to others, i knew better. now what i need is the fuel for the fire to burn so i can finally return to my pre-2004 self.

just watched the 10th episode of Glee. some of the elements in the episode really made me uncomfortable.

im hungry

damn it! YM keeps surprising me with its popping and hissing sound

half of the people who are texting me arent in my cellphone's phonebook. what the? why do people keep using different numbers. half of the time i guess who the person im talking to. damn it! tell me who you are so i wont have to go through the trouble of finding out who im talking to.

at the end of the day...i just want to sleep. i just attended a peace agenda workshop from 9am to 6pm. and then i went to a meeting. and then checked my emails.

i was one hour late for class yesterday. i accompanied an afghan national to the airport and then got stuck in traffic on my way back to go to class.

had a staff meeting today.

right now, im really tired. im going to sleep early tonight.

no work emails today! why? because the server of the email service provider is down. that sucks.

its one of those nights where i thought nothing significant will happen. i do the usual stuff and think its like any other night. then all of a sudden, from out of the blue, something comes up. life happens. crap. its one of those surprises where blood rushes to my head and i feel dizzy for a while. i just saw something unexpected.

after regaining my senses, i ask...now what? then i ask myself, what would tristan do? not what would banjo do but what would tristan do? ive been doing some comparisons lately and social experiments and i admit, banjo is the loveable one. he can easily make himself popular with strangers. its weird that i find it weird how he can manage to do that.

anyway, what tristan would do is wait. why? because after analyzing the situation, he predicts its only a matter of time before their paths meet again after years of no communication and its not him that will actively do something about it.

if im serious of re-establishing myself, then i must re-adopt the spider philosophy of waiting patiently for something to be caught in the web.

i think i have a spending problem. thats in addition to having vices. crap. i should never own a credit card.

my left toe is still numb. at least partially numb. i think there's something about to go wrong with my eyes. it doesnt really feel well. and my muscle on my left jaw keeps twitching. then i have rashes on my feet and hands. not sure if its caused by stress or something else. and ive been having a lot of pimples lately (face, scalp, and other parts of the human body). then there's my internal organs. i doubt a doctor can help me.

im in pain again. physical pain. crap. i think my organs are really messed up. its not supposed to happen yet but i guess the lifestyle i chose hastened the amount of damage.

im starting to get bored again. the extreme kind. do i have to do everything? well, if you want to get something right, you have to do it yourself. life, you really are a pain in the ass.