forgot to post this. exactly a week ago, i was ambushed by koreans! well, im exaggerating. i rode a philcoa jeepney where the passengers were 80% korean. the korean guy sitting next to me started talking to me when we were near the oblation. he asked for my name, email and number. gave it of course. i wasnt really that alert since it was 830 in the morning and i got home the night before around 11pm. i wasnt in the mood to think of excuses or argue. besides i have an email address thats allocated for such a purpose, meaning, giving it to strangers. as for the cellphone number and name, i didnt think they were the type that would pester me. anyway, gave it with no questions asked. i was thinking, they might be students or something that might need a tutor and i know someone who could help them. anyway, when we reached vinzons hall, i learned they were korean christian missionaries because they started discussing Jesus and gave me a booklet about some kind of christianity. nice. its early in the morning and these koreans want to preach. anyway, when i got off malcolm hall, i never heard from them again. they probably saw my cellphone number which has the number of the Antichrist and that if they try to contact me, they might be preaching to the wrong guy

first day of august went well. second day didnt, which was yesterday. got called to recite for nego but wasnt able to answer. instant singko! that sucked. of the three subjects for the day (PIL, Nego, Evidence), i was most prepared for nego! ive read the case on which i was called to recite but well, shit happens. mental block! i dont recall a single detail about the case! it happened before but not as bad as what happened yesterday. the professor sort of helped me remember the case by giving hints but i just cant follow. felt bad of course. after studying all of it and i get a singko out of it. thats august for me. but i think this happened too last semester but like i said, i think last semester's failed recitation was better because at least i wasnt as stunned as yesterday. i think it was also my fault why i had mental block or why my mind went blank on that particular case. i was reading the wrong cases before i was called. i was refreshing the next two cases which was going to be discussed. or so i thought. thats why when i got called, my mind was too focused on the supposed next two cases that when i was called for the case, i cant easily retrieve what the case was about. not that this only happens in august but i the fact that its august, such a thing wont surprise me or bother me as much 

its august 1. nothing out of the ordinary happened. thats fortunate. but i wont be complacent. there might be a stroke of bad luck lurching around the corner. yesterday seemed worse than today, making me think that the last day of july is warming me up for what august has packed for me this year. yesterday started with me waking up around 9am. i think. had a 1pm class and havent really studied yet. ive read the assignments but ive done that long ago so all i have were a general idea floating in my head. and that is never enough in law school. organized retention is important. anyway, i was supposed to do some reviewing of the assignments but i wasnt able to do so because bayantel called to have the dsl connection fixed. i called the night before, again, complaining about the intermittent connection. the technician arrived but wasnt able to fix it because he needed time and i didnt have time since i had class. so there wont be an internet connection til they got it fixed and they will have it fixed the following day, today, which they did. anyway, went to school. first class was PIL. got called. the class i was least prepared and i happened in one of those days where i feel im very unprepared. i mean, most of the time, i go to class confident that i know something. but i dont get called for those days. i get called on the day i have a vague idea of the assignment. nice. second class was nego, then evidence. good thing i wasnt called on those subjects but compared to PIL, i was more prepared for those. anyway, headed home and when i was about to alight from the jeepney, i hit my left abdomen on the jeep's steel bar because it accelerated even before i got off. ouch. ok, they really arent bad luck compared to what happens in august which is more of a series of unfortunate events but i thought it were indications of whats heading my way. anyway, august 1 came, the internet connection is better, still checking if its really fixed. didnt get called. got home safe with no injuries whatsoever. thats something to be thankful

another one of them recaps of what happened to me this week. lets start...

last monday, july 23. no classes due to SONA but i went to school anyway and studied in the library.

tuesday. i think it was another film showing for evidence. had PIL. i think there was no nego class. now i remember. we watched the last film for evidence at kai's place because there's no available facilities for us at that time. the block ordered pizza and i think each person's share was P35. the better part is i think i ate 7 slices because no one wanted to eat the last few slices. you know me, im like a scavenger. just waiting for food no one wants to eat anymore (as long as its still ok to eat of course and im in the mood to eat it)

wednesday. got succession and transpo. nothing interesting

thursday. had PIL in the morning. supposed to be double PIL classes, the earlier one as make-up class for what was supposed to be scheduled make-up class for wednesday. anyway, the afternoon PIL class didnt push through. had nego and had another one of mam avena's class exercises about the movie. it was a very draining and grueling exercise which took the class hours to finish. i think we finished around 8:15-8:30pm. tired and hungry, those who decided to stay and finish the activity went to mcdo philcoa to eat before heading home. there was 12 of us. we finished around 10:30-11pm and went home after.

friday: after a tiring activity the night before, we had a 9am class for succession. then transpo hours later.

saturday: as usual, i was in the fourth floor of the library studying. was able to study the entire day without being tempted to go to the mall and watch a movie. i really should stop giving in. it prevents me from saving money

sunday: accompanied my brother to an UPCAT review center. woke up around 630am, got there by 745am (because it was sunday morning, it took some time before the jeepneys got filled with passengers). went to mcdo katips by 8am and studied til 1230am. then went to UP to kill some time til 2pm. went back to mcdo katips again to eat then went to NBS katips to kill more time and then went to the review center to wait for my brother. i was at least more than 2 hours early, so i read "The Salmon of Doubt" by Douglas Adams while sitting in the lobby.

monday: full week. had succession and tax. im glad that im finished reading the first set of succession cases. as for tax, i better have the new readings photocopied.

got home around 11. mam avena gave another one of them class exercises. it really drained us a lot! but it was a good exercise, really made use of a lot of our brain juice.

still feeling bad that harry potter series had ended. ok, the fact that there wont be new stories of ron, hermione, harry and rest of them magical people had started to sink but its sinking in slowly. its bound to distract me for a couple of days and i hope its just a couple of days. i mean, crap, the story's over. its really the end. felt the same way when i finished The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy. really felt bad about not finding out where Fenchurch went and that Trillian and Arthur's story ended in such a way.

nothing significant or out of the ordinary happened last thursday and friday. last thursday, no PIL, had nego and a film showing for evidence (continuation of the Briggs case movie, Separate but Equal). for friday, no succession and the rest of the day was watching films again for evidence (Inherit the Wind and The Accused)

aaah! its 2am and cant think of what to write for my PIL paper! this sucks. i cant think of any thing i could possibly say on the article by shaw on the law of treaties.

got home around 9pm because of a film showing for evidence. the film was Separate But Equal. i liked it actually. too bad we didnt get to finish it yet because the movie was four hours long.

as for nego class, nothing extraordinary. it was discussed in the digression that lawyers do not create value or economic value. they transfer value but not create it. a few years back, the same professor also mentioned that lawyers are worthless in an unorganized society or where the law is insignificant like on top of a mountain. a doctor remains useful there in case something wrong happens while climbing a mountain but what could a lawyer possibly do in a similar situation? and then, the day before, a different professor mentioned that lawyers have a bad reputation worldwide. but even with these things mentioned, law students are just amused of such thoughts and remain undeterred to continue their law studies.

as for PIL, no class was held. but the paper due wednesday noon remains and right now, even if i have some ideas cropping up, its not really worth half a page nor idea brilliant enough to stand as sufficient to be said in less than half a page

another ordinary day. attended my succession and tax law classes with nothing out of the ordinary. yesterday, sunday, i went to UP to attend the first matches for courts of law. i signed-up for table tennis because i thought no one wanted to play. i was informed by someone from 4D that he wants to play too and i was glad to let him play instead of me. even if i knew i wasnt going to play, i still went to the CHK gym. i havent played table tennis for quite some time and i just wanted to just play a little. besides, it was good that he replaced me because he was certainly better than i was. and when i was heading home, saw my cousin at the Checkpoint, riding his one-month old big bike. hitched a ride to philcoa. tsk. and i thought i was going to be the first one in the family to own one of them big bikes. i mean, it was my plan to buy one once i start earning. and if ever im going to buy an automobile, id buy a pick-up or something built for similar purposes.

as for the day before, saturday, i also went to UP after waking up around lunch time. i was planning to study in the library but unfortunately, the 4th floor was closed and it was hot in the 3rd floor. so i headed to the mall. i dont quite recall why i went there in the first place. next thing i know, i was heading home thinking it was a waste of time to go to the mall.

as for friday, july 13 (friday the 13th), it was a very good day. it started with me inside the UP library studying. then i got a text message from diane asking me if i want to go to marikina shoe expo to see an exhibit and eat at bellini's afterwards. then right after jump texted whether i was going to the Block D party at grace's house. i said yes to both of them (although i was hesitant whether i really wanted to go to the party). anyway, after a few hours, headed home to get some sleep since i didnt have any the night before. then went out with diane later. and hours later, went to the party. got home around 3am. jluy 13th in its entirety was really good and also served a break from law school (not that i really needed one since ive been spending time with old friends lately).

as for thursday. nothing out of the ordinary. got Public international law (where weng and allelu were called to recite), negotiable instruments (where i got called to recite and made a fucked up mistake of citing the wrong article number, saying the provision i was reciting was article 66 when in fact it was 65!), and evidence (where a class activity was prepared by mam avena where we were supposed to apply what we have learned from the past weeks to the film we just saw last tuesday. as some of my blockmates joked, we were 31 angry students! the film was 12 angry men).

as for wednesday, went to see harry potter right after succession class. saw it in The block, and watched it around 2:30pm (class ended around 1:30pm, so it was really fortunate that i need not wait long and loiter in the mall). i was a bit disappointed and felt the movie was like an extended trailer with its "choppy" scene transitions. but even if thats the case, i still intend to watch it again with my siblings this coming weekend. i also got in touch with eller (thru text of course) since it was his birthday.

as for tuesday, again nothing much out of the ordinary. got PIL class for around 30 mins since prof leonen wasnt able to come in time (very busy man), nego and evidence (film showing of 12 angry men). when i got home, i resumed reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on my PC (wasnt able to buy the book, but i will buy it eventually!) which i started continuing reading the day before, monday. i think i finished it around 3am.

and to complete a full week of recollection, we now turn to monday where like today, nothing out of the ordinary. got succession and tax. but when i got home to read PIL's assigned article of the International Law Association, i read Harry Potter instead since it was going to be released by wednesday, july 11, and i better finish it so i could get to watch the movie.

there, one full week of recollection.

finished reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last night, july 15, at 12:47am (the book was given to me as a gift two years ago, 2005, when i was still a freshman law student of UP, by college blockmates). started reading it last wednesday night. tsk. there was a time when i read these books in one sitting but ever since law school, never had the time. i think i was able to read books 1-4 in one sitting. wasnt able to buy Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix so i only read a soft copy which i downloaded. its not even the official audio book, i think. its got errors. dont worry JK Rowling, im going to buy the fifth book one of these days even if already read it. i had to read it since i will not watch the movie til i finished reading it so i was forced to settle for a not so good version. i finished it hours before i went to see the movie, meaning i finished it around 3am of wednesday, july 11 and saw the movie at 230pm at The Block. i have to buy the book since im collecting all the hard bound versions. if i just had the money, i would collect all possible versions of the books (i mean, for different areas, there are different book covers, and i would like to get the non-english ones too, but like i said, if i had the money). if i manage to get a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows this year and read it of course, 2007 would be something significant for it would be the year i read 3 harry potter books for the first time. well, i havent re-read any of the books yet. my plan is to read all 7 again continuously.

the bayantel connection still sucks. ive said this so many times. the connection speed isnt bad (because thats what people ask, the speed), but the connection itself is intermittent! what the crap would i do with a fast internet connection when it keeps stopping from time to time. fine, i dont get disconnected but still the fact that it gets in the way of downloads and even simple loading of a browser is very fucking annoying. ive called their customer service many times, and bayantel does fix it, but it wont take long before the problem or another problem starts. its really getting tiring.

its been more than a week, and still not over Transformers. so addicted that aside from getting all the transformers desktop wallpapers i could find, i also looked for ringtones. also made my own ringtones by "mixing" the ones ive found. also made my own wallpaper, but after making one i stopped because i felt i was rushing it. well, i had to rush it because i also have to study, i just cant spend all day doing desktop wallpapers and ringtones.

what the? its already past 12 noon! why am i surprised? well, i just woke up. it seems that i was knocked out when i slept last night. but i didnt sleep that late. i think i slept around 130am, which is not unusual, i sleep around that time but i wake up (but not get out of bed) between 6-8am. i get out of bed between 9-10am. its just this time, i slept around 1o hours straight like im passed out or something. thats why when i looked at my clock and saw its already noon, i quickly got out of bed. i think im still recovering from the mid week drinking i did. or i drained myself too much yesterday. nope, cant be. although i was almost in tears for unknown reasons while reading a tax law book (i become teary-eyed for unknown reasons and the next thing i know a swirl of emotions start kicking-in). its like my mental side is already exhausted and my suppressed emotional side is trying to make itself felt. with a weak mind, the emotional part could take the oppotunity to overpower my "mental defenses". but unlike before, i wont make that mistake again, so i stopped reading and took a short walk. it worked, walking it off got my emotional side under control. so, does that explain why i had the heavy sleep? maybe, maybe not. i mean, its not like i studied intensively nor was it a long period of time. maybe there were situations that called for my emotional side and didnt let it take over, suppressing it because its "out of character". wow, its a sunday afternoon and im formulating non-sensical theories. better eat my breakfast and lunch and start studying. ive already wasted my morning.

browsing some emails ive sent back in 2004, and im tempted to take excerpts of it and discuss it. some of them have nice ideas that could be elaborated and some disclose facts that proves that things have changed over the years. unfortunately, i cant do that right now, its 2am in the morning, i have things to do when i wake up hours later. tsk. maybe some other time.

what happened this thursday. well, no PIL again, thankfully. why? because i can still feel the alcohol running through my veins. whenever i burp, i can still taste the beer. gross? not yet. when i got home, july 5, i felt that the last bottle of beer i drank has not kicked in yet. so i had to induce myself to vomit in order for me to sleep peacefully (because i was still very tipsy and very dizzy). and when i woke up six hours later, i was sweating so much, probably my body is trying to get rid of the alcohol from my system, and i was very hungry. so i ate breakfast and drank a liter of liquids to hydrate myself (500ml of milo, 500ml of water). then i slept again. when i woke up for lunch, drank another liter of water. i just have to keep hydrating myself so i could counter the dehydrating effects of alcohol and its effect on my blood density. anyway, even if there was no PIL, i had to classes two go, Nego and Evidence. and thankfully again, i wasnt called to recite. my head was aching during class. and also, the people around me seemed to be friendly than usual, so again, thank God no one was a pain in the ass. i mean, its fun to have a night of drinking but the day after that is not as fun, so thursday was a bit of a relief because at least there was nothing to spoil my day of recovering from the drinking session i had hours before.

another one of them nights where when im lying in bed, i cant fall asleep and when i decide to do something else other than lie in bed, i feel sleepy. might have messed up my blood circulation again because of a night of drinking. dont know how many bottles exactly but jump said most likely it was six bottles. i have to make up for that by drinking a lot of liquids. dont want my blood density to reach the "unwanted"density levels.

anyway, the night of drinking im talking about is when mark celebrated his birthday last july 4. i was really thirsty for some alcohol. i mean, i tried to follow the doctor's orders, which i was able to comply for about year, back in 2005. started drinking with caution around 2006, where i drank alcohol in very moderate, or maybe less than moderate amounts. that was frustrating. and now its 2007, and so far, my blood condition has improved. i mean, its not as bad as before and im not having those headaches nor sleepiness like before. so, im trying to bring back to good old days where i can drink, not to my heart's content but at least enough to satisfy the thirst. not that im no longer being cautious but im just more of mindful. i know my limits.

another ordinary day. nothing much happened that would really be worth telling. we didnt have nego class today. thats a bit of relief. not that i didnt study but im really drained. and its just july! crap. i better recharge myself as soon as possible

lost it. my momentum i mean. ive been doing well with the studying bit until, well, july came. coincidence, most likely. but the turn isnt in my favor and im not liking it either. like today for example, i didnt even attend my second class. why? aside from i dont feel like going to class because i was feeling so lazy, i conveniently had a headache. well, the headache was sort of on and off. and i really should have control over myself. im getting tired of losing battles with myself.

aaah! for some reason, my PC and my cellphone aren't functioning very well. seems my cellphone is headed for another memory card problem. this means i need to buy a new one. as for my PC, one of the CD drives is malfunctioning causing the PC to slow down or have non-responsive programs. nice start for July. maybe its payback time for the nice things that's been going my way lately. but the worst isnt suppose to happen until august comes in. maybe july would be warming me up for the worst scenarios so i would be prepared for the stuff august has to offer.

ok, this day didnt go well. but it wasnt bad either. woke up late again. its really a big problem for me because once i go to sleep, its hard for me to force myself to wake-up. i mean, the alarm clock wakes me up but i go back to sleep again. im very irrational and rational at the same time during these moments. rational in a sense because i can deliberate clearly on some things but irrational because when i weigh what's important, usually, its sleep that i give the most weight. like, my target is to wake up by 730 am. when i hear the alarm by 630am, i start to calculate how many readings i have to read and how long it will take me to finish them. then i start asking, is it really necessary to wake this early? this is where i start to be in favor of studying by way of cramming. like i try to calculate the exact length of time it would take me to finish the assigned readings, and finish it right before the first class. now, these are always mere estimations, sometimes i accomplish it, sometimes i dont. but this would be possible if i wake up at my secondary target time (since i deliberated this by 630am, i would set another time after making my calculations, so lets say i calculated 8am would be the time i should wake up to get to school by 9am because i only need more or less 4 hours to study...or cram...everything). lately, i dont wake up on the secondary target time because i forget to set the alarm clock again. so thats why i woke up late a while ago. but i was able to study for both my classes. but well, those efforts werent good enough. got called again in transpo class, and like last week, my recitation was crap. and when i say crap, i do mean crap. so, this means, i need to exert more effort, more than what im doing right now. weird part is, i fared better when i was taking things lightly. should i go back to my old and tested ways? maybe i should give the new study habits a few more weeks.

this day went well. woke up a bit later than i wanted. i was supposed to go to school and be there by 730am, or at least 8am to study but unfortunately i woke up around 9am. a few minutes after waking up, i got a text message saying we wont have class for PIL, my first class for the day. nice, thanks God, i appreciate that. it gave me time to study for the remaining subjects. ive already read the assigned readings a few days ago, but like jump said a while ago, the problem is retention. i wasnt able to retain much from what i read. i know why. im used to studying on the last minute, im a crammer to the core. so no matter how many times ive read the assigned readings, i wont really absorb it until its crunchtime. and true enough, most of what i retained came from what i read just a while ago. so i better change that study habit.

so nothing extraordinary happened today, just another usual law school day. well, except that nikki was in UP a while ago to do her research for her thesis. it was nice to see a college blockmate again. and it also confirms that im not the type who easily misses people or miss their company. when i saw her, after not seeing her for...umm...months?... it was as if i just saw her yesterday.

and mark just texted me, informing me of the tragic thing that happened to chris benoit. its shocking but im guessing it might be career related. if not, then it was really a very serious family problem.

there is a God! got a text message this morning that we wont meet for our first class. this is what ateneans refer to as a "free cut" (since i was informed that its not usual to hear this term in UP and those who use it in UP came from ateneo). anyway, really thankful for that because technically, i had no weekend (because of the notion that weekends are supposed to be rest periods). i spent friday and saturday studying. i also used a bit of sunday (i used sunday evening to write a paper for a law class) to study but spent most of it on some other thing which i would not consider as a break that means resting period but a break from law school because its not a law related activity. the past few days had been mentally tiring but i should start getting used to it if im serious on changing my study habits and taking law school seriously. ive studied harder before, much harder than the kind of studying im doing now, so i shouldnt take long getting used to this. but then again, back then, it didnt really prove to be productive. ok, i was able to study very well but that meant having all my energy channeled in one direction (maybe that's the problem, i channeled all of my energy). so the level of focus and concentration i gave on studying lead me to neglect everything else and to a certain extent made me weak. i think vulnerable would be a more appropriate word. therefore, i shouldnt commit the same mistake again. i shouldnt focus everything on studying and drain my energy just to improve my mental side because it would weaken my emotional and physical side and make it prone to injury, just like what happened before. it took one hit to set a chain of events that would make me plummet down so fast i wouldnt have time to take evasive action or at least do some type of damage control.

another tiring day. woke up with a clogged nose because of the cold. then a few hours later, around 1:30pm, i went to UP. i used the van to go to there because i wasnt in the mood to commute on a sunday. the roads are not as congested compared to ordinary weekdays so its nice to drive than to commute. it was the first time this semester i used the van. its been some time since i drove. anyway got home around 7pm and it was a nice drive home because there was this light rain, and it was already a bit dark and the roads are clear! its not the usual driving atmosphere. the air is cool, the road is wet and not much vehicles to mind while driving. ok, the wet road is problematic but for some reason, i liked driving fast on wet roads, not that i was running on slippery roads but it was easier to steer. so i was making turns at not so slow speeds. the liteace van we have is not that easy to drive, i mean, those who use it say that its a bit harder compared to the ones they use. you have to step on the brakes harder, turn the steering wheel harder, etc. that kind of harder and not in the sense its complicated to drive.

its official, i have a cold! the common cold! the cold virus won the battle against my immune system this morning. well, i already felt i was going to be ill a few days ago, meaning i knew that i was already infected by the cold virus and it was only a matter of time before it wins the battle against my immune system, but i was hoping that my body could resort to some kind of measures so that i wouldnt have the slight fever i had this morning when i woke up. i dont know, make the cold feel like nothing? i really hate having a runny nose and nasal congestion, especially nasal congestion! cant sleep!

anyway, even if i had a slight fever, i still went to UP to study. i really am going to take things seriously this time. even if i wasnt feeling well, i was able to study from 1pm to 4pm. im a bit disappointed because i wanted to study til 7pm but, i really cant force myself anymore, i might aggravate the illness. to make me feel better, i decided to eat at kenny roger's and try their cheeseburger. it was tasty like bruno said, but i still prefer wham burgers because it has more meat (much more meat! but i should also start going back to latasia fusion, i need to have a good dose of veggie food. as of now, cant picture myself becoming a vegetarian or a vegan. but i do understand what veggie people are fighting for, why they do what they do, and i wish i could contribute but, im just a meat lover, sorry. maybe in 10 years, i might reconsider and actually change). and i also like brothers burger better. at least the burger at kenny rogers are better than the fast food ones (i like jollibee's champ more than mcdonalds big mac because big macs are "dry", and i like the juicy tomatoes they use in champ burgers). or maybe i wasnt able to fully appreciate kenny roger's burger because i have a cold? ok, so ill try it again when im "cold-free".

also, i appreciated the concern of jason, cheska and jump. they were also at the library. i mean, ok, i have a cold and slight fever trying to finish all the assigned readings because i have something to do on sunday. it wasnt a big deal for me. shit happens and well, i just have to deal with it right? but sometimes i forget that i dont have to deal with things alone. they showed their sense of compassion by well, giving me tips on how to deal with the cold and offering me some medicine and peanuts. really liked the peanuts. how come i never thought of eating peanuts in the library while studying? apparently, what i do in the library most of the time is sleep. not this time, not this semester. anyway, those small acts did make me feel better. why? because i didnt expect it. maybe its part of human nature or im just out of touch (most likely the latter). my college blockmates have showed this nice side of human nature so many times but until now, i still find it puzzling. i live the life the way Hobbes described the life of man in the state of nature: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. im just used to dealing with things alone when ive never been alone my entire life. i always had friends who were there for me. unfortunately, i wasnt there for them. well, wasnt there all the time. i was only there when they directly and specifically ask for it. but i wont be there volunteering myself or do stuff without being told. i assumed they think the way i think: fight the battles alone. help is only an option one should always hesitate to take. thats how i thought a person should be responsible for his or her actions. never think there will be someone to help. well, some people frown upon this idea of dealing with life.

anyway, i appreciate what they did but i just dont know how to show that appreciation. i just cant stop myself from withdrawing, from moving away from people. i find it hard to learn how to depend and trust other people. some friends have lectured me on this. i dont know. to change or not to change. of course people would say that i choose the former but i have grown comfortable with the latter. so, it wont be that easy even if i think changing myself is what seems to be the right thing to do.

not much happened this friday. all i did was study in the law library (yeah baby! im studious! and not a stooge...corny). got there around 11am, read until 12, ate lunch til 1230, back to studying til 7pm! of course there are a few 15 minute breaks here and there but i would say, not bad. its an improvement, big improvement! i was able to finish my assigned readings for 2 of my subjects for tuesday. going back to the library again this saturday and do another day of studying. hope i finish the readings for monday's classes. why? because i have things to do on sunday.

crap! im drinking hot milo and my mug almost slipped from my hand. if it did, my computer's keyboard would have gotten wet and well, i would probably need to buy a new one.

why am i drinking hot milo when the weather hasnt changed? it is still fuckin hot!

well, its because i think im going to have a cold. i already felt very weak when i woke up this morning (that's why i wasnt able to study for PIL and had to cut class...that's just irritating because im aiming to have a good attendance for this sem and i already have an absence on the first two weeks of classes!).

well, this day went well. was able to study for the remaining classes, and fortunately i wasnt called. i could answer but im really fully prepared. but then again, since when was i fully prepared? even if i read the assignment so many times, the professor can always think of a question the student would not have been able to anticipate. that's law school professors for you.

so, what happened today? well, i wasnt feeling well when i woke up. feeling a bit dizzy til around lunchtime and i had a 1pm class. so i started thinking of a strategy. i mean, im not feeling well and im not prepared for class . if i go attend my three classes unprepared, i might ruin 9 units. if i cut my first class which is at 1pm, i sacrifice 3 units, and possibly save my 6 units if i could use the time which is allotted for my first class for studying for the two other subjects. i wouldnt resort to this if i was in my...umm...optimal level or something like that. since i wasnt feeling well, i couldnt exert as much effort and i had to study slower than usual because i dont want to aggravate my health.

anyway, i chose the latter, cutting my first class and try to study for the two remaining subjects. fortunately, i was feeling better by 1pm. unfortunately, i wont make it on my 1pm class. fortunately, there wasnt a 1pm class! jump texted me we dont have a 1pm class for today. unfortunately, since i wasnt at school, i wasnt able to sign up for the readings being photocopied. but fortunately, i was able to borrow a copy from ten so i was able to photocopy the readings. unfortunately, i wasnt able to sign up for the other set of readings because i didnt know there was more than one set of readings! crap. and tomorrow will be another tiring day. at least the day would start a little late because my first class is a 5pm class, so i have time to study for my subjects tomorrow. unfortunately, since the classes are late in the afternoon, it also means im going to have class til night time. the problem with this is that i have less time to study for my thursday classes. but at least i have a light friday sched so i can rest after a tiring week. but im going to be busy this weekend, so...crap. this is why i dont want to think ahead.

havent posted anything for a while (except the rant below). ive been occupied with stuff lately. not really busy. something close to busy since i have enough time to rest and similar stuff.

so, my last post before my rant was june 7. ok. its been more than a week. june 12 was the first day of classes. really annoying for the president to move it to june 11. its independence day! its not the same celebrating independence day on june 11. i just dont know how to appreciate our independence. point is, it shouldn't have been moved! ok, this is turning into another rant.

anyway, first day of classes went fine. and so did the other classes. already had some recitations. no humiliating experience, thank God for that.

last thursday, june 14, barely had sleep because i had to submit a paper by 10am, by email. finished it by 9am. emailed it a few minutes later and took a bath to prepare for school. being the paranoid shithead that i am, i checked if my email bounced, and well, it did! had the wrong email address, texted jason and jump for the correct one. when jason texted me the correct one, the email bounced again! why? inbox full! i looked at the time, it was 945am, 15 mins away from the deadline, good thing i was already dressed, so i rushed to malcolm hall, got there 15 mins past the deadline. what a way to start the first weeek of classes. no sleep, rushing to meet a deadline. and to make things worse, since i was already lightheaded due to lack of sleep (i hate it when i dont get at least 6-7 hours of sleep, this also means i do not deprive myself of sleep unless i came from a party or, like the one above, i need to finish something), during the classes, i couldnt follow a thing the professors were saying! i understand the words but i dont understand the sentences! i felt so stupid. grace was asking me stuff during evidence class and i understand what she was saying but i cant think of an answer to what she was asking because mam avena's lecture was clear but for some reason, the things she were saying were not sinking in! all i really wanted to do by that time was to sleep. good thing i have a very light schedule on fridays.

and now its monday. had to submit another paper, due 12am, finished it around 11am, was able to submit it by 11:15am, by posting it online. and tomorrow will be another tiring day (three classes, 9 units, under a good line-up of brilliant professors...translation: difficult! come to think of it, our block is lucky to have such professors. ok, the grades they give may make our transcripts look bad but at least we learn a lot from them and they really would make sure that our time in the classroom is not wasted. easy for me to say since im not very mindful of the grades i get)

i hate bayantel's DSL service! their customer service is fine, but the connection itself sucks! it was ok the first few months, then came the earthquake that caused connection problems. ok, that was force majeure so cant really blame bayantel for that. then it was ok again for a few months or so, but starting May, the internet service just keeps getting problems. even if they have efficient customer service and they do fix it quickly, calling customer service often is really fucking annoying. wait, what am i complaining about? intermittent connection! and sometimes, the connection speed is just so fuckin slow! nice. this explains why bayantel is bayantel.

weird...why didnt i post this? its actually june 18 right now, and i checked my posts, and this was labeled as draft...i have no idea why i didnt post this and decided to save it as draft...looks finished to me...anyway, this is the short entry:


its almost midnight, and im sleepy. but since its so hot, im sure that i wont be able to fall asleep.

anyway, ive been trying to recall what song mentioned Mobius strip in its lyrics. i kept thinking of alanis morissette until i gave up and googled it. the answer? nelly furtado's "Hey Man"

i went to the mall a while ago to eat lunch. i came from UP because i had to pay my tuition fee. im a bit thankful im not covered by the tuition fee increase but at the same time, im a bit disturbed by the increase itself. it really is a big increase! anyway, im digressing, again! so i was at the mall, and i thought to myself, how the hell was i able to watch all the movies last semester? and when i say movies, i mean not only the ones shown in cinemas but also the ones on video. it appeared to me that i had a lot of time, when in fact i had little time. i was about to say no time to watch movies but that would be an exaggeration. well, no time to watch all of those movies i watched, thats a bit realistic statement. anyway, its weird because the way i remember it, i was also able to read all my readings. where the hell did i get all that time? maybe bruno has a point, maybe it appeared to me i was studying. because between movies and studying, i am more certain that i watched those movies, i couldnt have imagined it. but i also know i read my readings! why would they have highlighted pages? it wont highlight itself! but then again, last semester was so stressful, that's why i watched movies a lot. and also, i had problems concentrating and focusing in school. in addition to some personal stuff that bothered me. for sure, im not crazy to have imagined i was studying. anyway, i better not repeat the kind of performance i did last semester because my grades...my grades are just so bad. but then again, things just went beyond my control last semester. this time, i better double my efforts, and just hope that i have full control of things. ok, maybe if not full control, considerable control so that i wont make my grades plunge so low, i would be burying myself alive.

june 07, 2007..still hot! aah! when will the cold weather kick in? actually, it kicked in already...for a few days! i dont mind the heat, as long as its not this hot! fuckin annoying!

anyway, what have i been up to lately. havent posted a blog entry for 2 weeks. i think. well, i remember going to this program/event organized by FIND and the Lagman family. other than that, i spent the remaining days of May 2007 at home (aside from the weekends at Montalban, where these past 2 weeks, we did some painting...messy, messy activity...painted my cabinet black with neon green edges using spray paint for the neon green. i was trying to do a matrix color theme...didnt quite work out the way i wanted it to be. i mean, its still too dark. the combination is what i expected it to be, but i need more neon green. so i think im just going to buy some glow in the dark stickers).

then came june. stayed at home most of the time, trying to savor the last few days of vacation. but the days really became more of a blur. i sleep too much. anyway, by june 06, had to enroll. i was a bit worried because it also meant more grades would come out. the grades are always incomplete, its still incomplete, which is a good thing for those like me who arent doing very well. this grading system academic institutions use just doesnt work for me. but what can i do, thats the best thing universities and schools can use to evaluate students. im digressing. the reason i mentioned enrollment is because of the great improvement in the process or procedure. it took me a total of more or less three hours to enroll. unlike the past semesters where it took me an entire day. also, i noticed, i am always part of the group where the cut off for the day is made. its like, im always there when the college secretary says, "this is the last batch, tell the others that they will be entertained tomorrow. its time to call it a day" wow, am i jinxed or something? its like, once i step in the office to go to the adviser, the cut off begins.

so, that's what i have been up to lately. nothing much huh?

its raining more frequently lately. i love it when it rains. sort of reminds me of garbage's song, "im only happy when it rains". i miss that band. i miss shirley manson. i also miss the cranberries. too bad dolores o'riordan went solo. just noticed, im missing 2 vocalists, one from scotland, the other from ireland...ok...nothing. just noticed.

anyway, even with the frequent rains, it still hasnt improved the problem of the intense heat! the rains are just a break from the hot weather.

so, what have i been up to lately...well, last tuesday, had some medical check-up of some sort (cbc, fbc, cholesterol count). then on wednesday, may 23, i watched Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End (POTC3:AWE), as early as 11:10am, first screening on cinema 12, Sm North. the old cinemas on Sm North (meaning not the ones found in The Block - cinemas 5-12), aren't really that good, but...well, its just average. its a bit bad, but...anyway, i watched it there out of convenience. i didnt want to go back to TriNoma yet. the first time i went there was just awful. my sister was joking, it was traumatizing experience going to Trinoma. aside from that, there isnt a mall near enough that was better than the cinemas found in SM North. why didnt i watch in The Block (cinemas 1-4)? well, the screening time was a bit late. ok, it may be a few minutes later, but i really wanted to watch POTC 3 as soon as possible. good thing it wasnt a disappointment like Spiderman3.

anyway, come thursday, i helped my aunt and cousin distribute invitations for an event. so i was driving around QC with them, looking for the offices where we are supposed to give the invitations to.

and now, its friday. im off to montalban again in a few hours. ill be back on sunday. so that's pretty much my week, and my upcoming weekend. and whem im home, im like a couch potato. but instead of watching stuff thats on tv, i watch movies and tv shows on my PC.

just bought a pair of shoes and 2 pairs of jeans. that's pretty much what i did today. i was in montalban yesterday, and trinoma last saturday. tomorrow, going to pasig for an annual medical check-up. fasting begins tonight for some sort of cholesterol test. that's all

cant sleep! its too hot!

well, i already fell asleep only to wake up around 12:45am and not fall asleep again because of the hot weather.

just got home from TriNoma. not yet fully finished. Gateway looked the same way before construction was completed. but at least Gateway had airconditioning. after roaming a bit, we just cant stay any longer in TriNoma. it was just too hot. too bad there wasnt any airconditioning yet. and also, they have a nice rooftop area.

its so hot right now, even if im just sitting in front of the PC and its almost midnight, im sweating like i just did some lifting. i wish i had a girlfriend this hot. but then again, hot chicks just dont fall from the sky, drop on your lap, and love you for everthing that you are. so its really pointless wishing that. reminds me of a line from Full Metal Alchemist. cant quote it verbatim but it goes like, "the good thing about a dream is that they exist in the world of fantasy. if a dream ever comes true, it was never a dream to begin with". something like that. just a thought.

they say nice guys finish last. assuming i really am a nice guy, because it seems that's what the world thinks of me (wait til they see what's in my head, that would explain why karma is against me), i wish i knew i was in a race to begin with!

listening to the Spiderman 3 soundtrack and im on track 5...too alternative. not that i have problems with alternative music but the collection of songs arent that good, its like there's not much variety...well, im just on track 5. and im not even sure if this is the OST. some guy just compiled the songs played in the movie

wallpaper collection update:
3D wallpapers: 82
anime wallpapers: 249
car wallpapers: 27
movie wallpapers: 970
music artist wallpapers: 176
nature/animal wallpapers: 97
tv show wallpapers: 32
miscellaneous: 115
sexy celebs/hotties: 3717

total: 5465 wallpapers...and still counting...

maybe i should start a wallpaper site of my own?

this is my 100th post! and on this post, i would like to say that "IT'S SO HOT!!!". the summer heat is just so intense. the nights dont make things any better. its hot all day long and all night long! cant wait for the rainy season or at least the cold weather to kick in.

not much is happening lately. and when i say lately, after may 14. that was when my vacation really started. anyway, just learned that a relative just had a brain stroke and still in a coma. dont know the person much, it was the first time i heard of him. the reason my mother mentioned it was because she's concerned again with our health. our lifestyle and the things we are eat are not exactly what people would call as healthy. add the fact that i have polycythemia.

just got home an hour ago. we did some rounds to check the precincts and election results. so far, sanlakas is doing ok. i hope it continues like that and wins at least one seat. the areas are generally peaceful and i havent seen any form of hostility. so i guess its really the provinces that heat up during elections and some areas in metro manila. fortunately, there's no violence in our area. the places had moderate security, with policemen doing their rounds on the school grounds. we also passed by Quezon City Hall which was heavily guarded. i guess they're prepared for the worst. i hope the worst nor anything bad never comes. i just want this election stuff done peacefully, properly and honestly as possible. though there's been a lot of reported election violence and election related deaths, im thankful that in our area, things had been quiet and safe.

i missed the taste of them nicotine! and i love drinking alcohol! that is all

cant think of anything to post. nothing much happened lately. well, i havent shaved my chin and upper lip for a month. so, i already have a moustache and...not sure if its a beard or a goatee...more of a short beard. might go to montalban again this afternoon.

so, what has happened lately? well, distributed leaflets last saturday, lagro area. went to montalban again last sunday and fortunately this time nothing bad happened. the week before, i hit my middle finger with a hammer, so half of my fingernail turned black. the week before that, i hit my head on a bamboo pole. it bled for around half an hour. i also volunteered to help on editing the bar reviewers where i found out its not as easy as i thought it would be. the monotony just makes my mind drift away and lose focus. so i had to take occassional breaks to do it properly. what else? still not finished with the campaign email. still contemplating on two things: go to bicol and enroll on a summer workshop. oh, and i also took a survey yesterday where i received some gift checks in return for participating. wait, i just remembered, i havent finished watching the prestige. that's my life at the moment, watch a lot of movies. speaking of movies, spiderman 3 premieres today! and i dont have tickets. that sucks.

you know what my problem is? problem is, i dont have a heart. not literally of course, but you know what i mean. what makes it worse is that, i act sometimes as if i have a heart. so do i get credit for that? pretending to have a heart? that's why some of the things i do just end up like pieces of crap, or a pile of crap. it just lacks that heart part. what can i do, i just dont have it. and i realized, i was better off not attempting to have a heart. life was easier, and much peaceful. it was a simple life to be who i really am without trying to contradict it. just be cold, heartless and detached. that's who i am, why bother changing it. ok, having emotions are ok, but it's getting tiring in the long run. it looks like fun, but i guess its not for me. it really is irrational and right now it has become pointless. so, revert back to the old ways? yeah, but it wont be easy. it wont be like the first time, where i just woke up one day and im emotionally dead. now, its a conscious decision and it would take some time reinforcing the old habits.

these past few days....sooo busy! cant even think of complete sentences...thinking in phrases....emails keep coming in...everytime i check...there's something to do...aaah..i want to take a break...and the people outside are noisy...and so is my cousin's dog...barking incessantly...its driving me crazy...i want to watch a movie!!!! but i cant....shhhiiiiiitt!!!!

this sucks.

i think its been quite a few days now that im feeling like a single minded person. i mean, i dont feel like that psycho shit where there are bunch of personalities inside me. that's not good news. i mean, what if a personality died down that has traits i like. crap. can i recover it? besides, i need them! ok, that's some psycho comment but not quite my ordinary psycho comment. crap.

another one of them sleepless nights. life sucks. especially after dropping by friendster and being reminded of things that's not really fun to think about.

things didn't really go well today. having only 2 hours of sleep (ok, 2 and a half, since i slept from 4am to 630am), i was asked to drive again to montalban. driving without sleep is not something new to me, i do it from time to time. i dont know how it started or when it started, but im used to driving long distances even without sleep. there was a time when there were close calls, where i almost hit the back of the vehicle in front of me because i was driving too fast but that is more of an exception because we were in a rush. anyway, back to the not so nice day, so i was sleep deprived and driving a long distance, not that bad. what made it bad is that when we got there, i was asked to assemble the bench for the dining table. its made of thick, heavy wood and very hard to assemble. so, im sleep deprived and was asked to do this difficult task. in the end, i wasnt able to assemble it and my father had to look for a carpenter to get the job done. that just proves how hard it was! it needs a professional to do it. anyway, what made it worse was that, while i was doing the actual attempt to assemble it, being sleep deprived, i was a bit careless and absent minded. with a hammer in hand, i hit my right middle finger, killing my nail in the process (in Filipino, patay na kuko). so right now, im having difficulties writing this blog entry because i cant use my right middle finger at the moment. and it hurts! actually, when i hit my finger, i had no reaction. it was painful but it seems i have delayed reflexes. i dont know, it took a while for me to feel how painful it felt. it happened so fast, one time i was hammering the wood then the next second, it hit my middle finger's nail. i looked at it and saw black patches and then told my mother that i just hit my nail. of course, after that, i still continued trying to assemble the goddamn bench that killed my middle finger's nail, but like i said, in the end, they had to hire someone to finish what i cant finish.

soooooooooooo tired!!!! ive been doing the website for hours now. aaah!!! it wasnt this difficult before.

using friendster has become depressing. seeing your friends, old and new, then looking at where i am at the moment, its just not something to be happy about. i feel like i made a wrong turn along the way. i feel like im the only one who refuses to grow up and move forward. i feel like im the only one stuck somewhere. i feel like im the only one. being the only one wasnt a problem before because i saw it as something that made me unique, like a professor joked, im a class of my own. i dont go around socializing with just anybody. but i digress. the point is, seeing myself as being the only who seems to be the one left behind while everyone keeps moving forward makes me ask the question: will i stay the way i am or will i try to catch up? right now, i ask another question, what's the point of catching up? so what if they are far ahead in life? not that it matters to me because im tired of life. it wont make much difference. if i stay where i am and stay the way i am, im going to get used to be stuck and being left behind. its only a matter of time anyway. ive reached this far doing things my way, and doing things alone, so its safer to keep on doing what ive done before. so am i afraid to take risks? not really. i just dont take it when i dont see the point in taking it. why waste energy and effort when there's no reason behind it? so everything must have a reason? yes.

right at this moment, i feel so left behind.

right at this moment, i truly feel im detached from everything.

right at this moment, i dont care about a single thing.

right at this moment, i should be hating life, but like i said, i just dont care anymore

im not blogging as often as i used to...why? i dont know. anyway, just read an email that mam avena gave a passing grade to everyone in her class this semester. so, am i regretting my decision to drop? nope. like i said, im really having problems during that time and if i continued my civil procedure subject, things might have gone worse. so when i said i was dropping for health reasons, i wasnt just saying it as an excuse. i really was having health concerns back then. if i not for that health concern, i might have soldiered on and continued the subject. unfortunately, that wasnt the case. well, too bad for me. as if im suprised. nothing ever goes my way. i should be happy nothing bad is happening to me at the moment and not expect anything more. that's the kind of life i have. always bad, sometimes bad, and nothing bad. its never something good. the peak is when nothing bad is happening. that's why i learned how to be contented. because things could be worse. so be thankful that things arent worse because hoping for something more will just lead to frustrations. so, the commercial on JackTv was right. the key to life is lowered expectations.

just spent 3 days in our house in montalban. we left thursday morning and got home just this sunday morning. and what amazes me is that i was able to last three days without cable tv (preventing me from watching my favorite programs since i rarely watch local channels), a PC (which i primarily use to check my emails (which i check at least once a day and an average of three times a day), blog and browse some stuff online), and a fridge (when i want something to eat, i go to the fridge because i dont cook and i like my drinks to be cold).

the house does not have much appliances and furniture yet so there really isnt much to do there. what i did most of the time was listen to my mp3 player (thank God for mp3 players) and play around with my digicam, shooting non-sensical stuff. also, i used some of the spare time reviewing for my final exam on april 10.

the good thing about the place was that it was quiet and peaceful and gave me time to reflect on stuff. something that i should be doing since it was holy week after all.

maybe i should lower my standards. i cant get a girlfriend if im looking for a girl who has the potential to be a supermodel (note: supermodel not model) or someone who can make it big as a hottie hollywood celebrity (note again: hollywood, not someone from the local showbiz industry). but how low? and why the crap do i have the high standards when im not the best looking guy in the world. heck, not even in the city, hehehe. anyway, just had this stroke of loneliness and getting tired of waiting. maybe i should get some sleep or something.

just had my labor exam early yesterday morning. it was ok. a bit frustrated because the question bruno asked the night before the exam actually came out in the exam! and what's frustrating is that i knew the answer to that, and come exam time, i forgot the other details! i could have gotten a perfect score for that item. i was a bit careless i guess.

what else....well, i went to the rockwell tent to go to an "intimate charity event". it was a lingerie fashion show/fund raiser. all i can say is...nice! cant believe i didnt attend the previous offer 2 years ago to attend this kind of show.

lastly, i hitched a ride with bruno to and from the rockwell tent. and well, when we were going home, we met an accident in the kamias area. minor vehicular accident but its still a bother since it still entails payment of damages, aside from the actual damage incurred. it wasnt our fault. we were stationary when the innova scratched and dented the left side of bruno's car. good thing we had digicams to take pictures and use it as evidence. and bruno was paying attention in his law classes and was able to write "settlement" forms.

the next time i need to go to sleep, i just have to drink some coffee. its confirmed. every time i drink coffee, i feel drowsy and extremely sleepy! well, 90% of the time. the remaining 10% of the time, it perks me up for an hour, then comes in the sleepy feeling. usually, this 10% applies if its my first time to drink a certain type of coffee. so i guess, by the 2nd time i try the coffee, my body has created an immunity from its stimulating effect.

this is probably the longest time ive been online, without any disconnections. how long? 11 hours, 35 minutes and 03 seconds...and counting.

i should start studying for labor law....right now, im just waiting for an email from grace containing the labor relations reviewer.

i was supposed to watch TMNT today but its my sister's graduation. so, i have to postpone it again!

weird. there are three muddy footprints near the doorway, as if a person came from the outside, went in the house with a muddy left foot (because there are only left foot prints). what made it weird is that we just saw it this morning, and not one of us claims it's his or hers. and it cant be us, because none of us went barefoot yesterday coming from the outside. so where did the footprints come from? and it wasnt there last night. so it was probably made while all of us were asleep. and why only left footprints?

ash is giving me a headache! i mean, its barks are like nails being driven down my skull! not to mention its been causing sleepless nights! of all the nights it could schedule its annoying night long barks, it had to start the night before my first final exam! so i didnt get to sleep that night. well, from 130am to 4am! and it hasnt stop barking ever since. ok, it does take a break from time to time but its only a few minute intervals. maybe it takes a break for 15 mins, then barks again for a couple of minutes. so i really cant fall asleep since when im about to, it barks again! so its like a cycle of falling to sleep without reaching the sleeping stage. its going to drive me crazy! and if it does, im going to a killing spree. why? because im insane! that's why! send me to the looney bin, i fucking dont care! some people treat me as if i dont have problems and i dont have a limit. i have tendencies to lose my sanity you know! anyway, the dog is still barking, and its showing no signs of stopping.

is this a deja vu? it was like my midterm exam for agency! i didnt get a good night sleep and i struggled in answering the questions! but i studied. well, i studied less on my agency exam compared to my partnership exam a while ago. i was confident on my agency exam because i thought i had a good grasp of the subject only to get pissed with my self for being too confident. just got that midterm exam back a few days ago and well, i was right, i didnt do well. and it happened again a while ago. what's more frustrating is that, i studied! ok, obviously, it wasnt enough. but maybe if i had a good night sleep, i would have done better. ok, that's a lame excuse but lately (meaning two or maybe three years), i rarely take an exam without a good night sleep. i always make sure that i have slept long enough (at least six hours, preferably around 8 hours).

anyway, right now, i just hope i get a passing grade for the final exam. that's all i ask.

wow, im actually studying again! im so proud of myself. after weeks of trying and forcing myself to study, im finally flipping pages and reading what's on them.

i started, i think around 9 am, and ive been reading for my partnership finals since then. of course, i take breaks here and there but point is, im getting somewhere! i just hope this effort is enough to keep me afloat in school.

ive lost all the things ive written on my other blog! goddamn power...i mean, electricity fluctuations! its only a little rain. there's barely a wind! only a gentle breeze. how come that electricity problem occurred. anyway, no major harm done anyway. i just hope its not a sign of more bad things to come. life has given me a break from the unfortunate events that normally happen (coincidentally, it happened a month ago, the same time ive been bothered with my sort of non-existent problem. non-existent because i cant figure out what it is. if i dont know what it is, it means i cant see what it is, and if i cant see what it is, how can i know its there, and how can i know its a problem, right? so, its logical that there's nothing there. so, nothing is bothering me).

what could ruin a cool relaxing rain on a peaceful summer night? a power outage! ok, that didnt happen, but a fluctuation on the electric current did! a fluctuation enough to restart my PC! crap. i hate that when that happens. it just ruined the good mood.

good thing firefox has this "restore session" function. not sure if explorer has that, havent used that browser for quite some time now. i didnt even upgrade it. at least i wont have to look for the website ive opened. this function of firefox is really handy.

i love rainy nights! and what is better than this? rain on a summer night! and its happening right now. just what i need. it gives a relaxing feeling. i have a finals exam on partnership (1-4pm) this saturday, followed by credit transactions class (530-730, maybe until 9...depends). finally, after a month of "taking a break", im actually studying again. although not as serious as i should be, at least im flipping pages and reading it. not just pretending which ive been doing for weeks now (i go the library, open a book or flip through the photocopied SCRAs, pretending im reading them when actually my mind is just drifting, contemplating of nothingness...cant help it, something's been bothering me for quite some time now). hoping by tomorrow, im going to finish every reading i need for the exam, and review it and review it again by saturday morning. that is, if everything goes well when i wake up tomorrow.

right knee hurting...not swollen, just sore. why? i dunno. just drove a while ago to fetch my mother from shopwise, cubao. it was just a short distance but after that short drive, my right knee started to hurt. maybe im no longer used to driving. and im going to drive to montalban this sunday! crap. my knees are going to hurt if thats the case. when was the last time i drove anyway? a week ago? it hasnt been that long. but i dont drive frequently, maybe that's why. i used to drive everyday to school, except wednesdays (coding).

so, am i feeling better already? yeah, i guess. i think its been days now that im no longer feeling fucked up. that UP fair night really drove me crazy. just crazy.

in less than a month, ive seen 15 movies, 7 in theaters, and 8 on video.

in theaters:
ghost rider
music and lyrics
the number 23
pursuit of happyness
bridge to terabithia
300
the hitcher (should have waited for it on video, wasnt that good)

on video:
Just Like Heaven (nice romcom, but 50 first dates is still the best)
40 year old virgin
Mirror Mask (entrancing eccentric visual style plus pretty actress: Stephanie Leonidas, now she's the Leonidas i like)
Tenacius D: The Pick of Destiny
Pan's labyrinth
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Must Love Dogs
Night at the Museum

going to watch (either on video or in cinemas, depends whether it will be released here):
Flushed Away
The Prestige (rent on video)
Walk the Line (rent on video, because of Reese Witherspoon)
TMNT (end of march)
The Reaping (april)
An Inconvenient Truth
Reign Over Me (release date is on mar23 but in the Philippines, around July!)
Spiderman3
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
The Punisher2
Bean2
Ocean's Thirteen
Penelope (again, because of Reese Witherspoon)
Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End (partly because of Keira Knigtley, and partly because its really a good movie)
Resident Evil: Extinction (i liked the first 2 movies)
The Simpsons Movie
Sin City2
Evan Almighty
Transformers (not a fan of TV series, but the trailer looks good, i hope the movie is really as good as it appears in its trailers)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Zodiac
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (its a sandler movie)

ooops....spoke to soon. im fucked up as before! i just hate it here.

i now have: 3292 desktop wallpapers! 2054 are wallpapers of hot and sexy celebrities! females of course. 830 are movie wallpapers. 249 are anime wallpapers. the rest are wallpapers of cars, tv shows, nature, etc.

another lazy afternoon. got home, no one's home. nice. i like being home alone. i get the peace of mind i need. was planning to watch a movie, either 300 or The Hitcher. unfortunately, not in the mood to wait. i was at the mall around 1pm, and the next screening for 300 is 2:40 pm, and the Hitcher a bit earlier. and i couldnt think of anything i could do at the moment but eat lunch. i doubt it will take me that long to eat lunch. so i ate my lunch, and i only consumed 20 mins. that leaves me with more than an hour. so i decided to go home instead. its not worth waiting that long no matter how good the reviews are for 300. i can still watch it, maybe tomorrow or on friday.

anyway, feeling better now. maybe. dont have that bothered feeling anymore. never had the chance to figure out what it was or what caused it. i just hope its not playing tricks on me, like its going to manifest itself when i least expect it or waiting for the worst time it could pop up.

so itchy all over!!! got rashes on both my knees! dont know what's causing this allergic reaction, or to what ive been exposed to. all i know im allergic to dust mites and cockroaches. and i dont think ive been exposed to both. or maybe dust mites. i dont know. all i know is im itchy!

anyway, my state of mind hasnt improved yet. still think im going crazy. and having a hard time concentrating on my studies.

cant sleep yet. why? im so full! i ate almost one and a half family size pizza. thats how many slices, 12? maybe only 10. of course not in one sitting, maybe the first 6 slices around late in the afternoon, and the next 4 slices right after dinner. and when's dinner? maybe an hour and half later after i ate the 6 slices of pizza. that's crazy! and half a liter of soda. and i ate a hot fudge sundae fifteen minutes later after i ate the four slices. and drank half a liter of water. i finished eating everything around 930pm. i dont know why i was eating a lot, and why i kept eating. anyway, its 1130pm already and i still feel very full. i dont know why i ordered 2 boxes of pizza in the first place! i just felt like ordering it after i took a bath. so while in the shower, i thought, id like to have some pizza. so i ordered two boxes.

thats why its not very advisable for me to go to the mall with a lot of money to spend because i end up buying things that are...well, not given much thought. so far i havent bought anything useless, but most of the time, i buy things that are really not necessary...yet. thats my problem sometimes, if i know i have money to spend, sometimes i cant control myself from spending it. that's what happened a while ago. knowing i can afford to order pizza made me order not just one but two boxes. im so stupid.

how long have i been in front of the PC? long enough for me to use my left hand to use the mouse! my right hand is so tired! and instead of resting, i continue to sit in front of the PC, browsing for stuff on the net!

watched another movie. this would be the 4th in less than two weeks! 4th movie that is, but 5th if i would count it by the number of times i went to a movie house, and 6th if i would count the number of times i watched a movie (meaning, i repeated some of them). i watched the Ghost Rider twice, on a friday and on a saturday, Music and Lyrics once on a monday, The Number 23 twice on a saturday, and The Pursuit of Happyness once on a monday. when will this addiction end? not really addiction but just a way of distracting me for an hour or two from that goddamn dark cloud.

just woke up a few minutes ago and minutes later, got a phone call from my cousin asking for help. nice way to start the day huh? well, at least he wasnt asking for anything hard. well, it was hard but good thing im not the guy for the job he was asking me to do. so, what i merely did was simply like a consultation, point to him what he has to do and who to go to.

anyway, i thought i was feeling better. well, there are times i do feel better but then that dark cloud that has been hovering over me for more than a week now makes itself felt again. like i said before, its like a neon sign saying "life sucks". or "my life sucks".

another tiring day...went to UP (to study), then SM north (to look for a gift), then to Philcoa (to eat lunch), then to Fairmart, Cubao (to buy a gift since i wasnt able to find what i was looking for in SM North), then back to UP (to get something, which only became available that afternoon), then went home. this is the second consecutive day that i went home with aching feet because of all the walking i did.

when i got home, i almost drank a liter of water because of thirst and the heat. summer's here, and im not in the mood yet for the heat it has brought with it.

anyway, seems like i was able to do what i thought i will do today, except watch a movie. why? i've seen the movies i want to see (Ghost Rider and Music and Lyrics). well, i would like to watch The Holiday, Bridge to Terabithia and The Number 23 but im not in the mood for it. might just wait for it to come out on DVD.

my head aches, im sleepy and its a thursday. so, wonder what life has in store for me when i wake up hours later? going to UP to study for my classes on friday. might go to the mall and might watch a movie. wonder what's showing today? that's pretty much what i intend to do when i wake up hours later. maybe i should sleep. its been a tiring day. trying to anticipate what life could possibly send my way later but my mind's blank. maybe its just going to be a simple day where i get to do what i intend to do and nothing more.

one of those rare nights im in the mood to be "online" on Yahoo messenger, and no one's "online". am i that messed up? that im willing to change my status from "invisible" to "available"?

i thought dropping the subject would make me feel better, because there is less mental burden. well, it made feel bad because if only i was strong enough physically and mentally, i wouldnt need to drop it. but well, im not. and dropping the subject only meant that it wont aggravate the situation or condition im in and i would not be as stressed as i am now. and what is that? still got no clue. am i losing my mind? i have no idea. the only clear thing is something's up and its bothering me so badly, that i need to pull myself together when that opportunity comes or else. or else what? how should i know. all i know its an "or else" situation.

so confused!

went to mass yesterday, february 20. during mass, i asked myself, is it ash wednesday today? well, that question would be plausible, yes, very plausible, if it was a wednesday!!! holy crap! what's wrong with you? its a tuesday and you ask whether its ash wednesday? well, it took a couple of seconds for me to figure that out.

so ash wednesday came, the following day. i was looking at the UP chapel, wondering, what's up? how come there seems to be a lot of people attending mass today than usual? couple seconds...oh, its ash wednesday!

when will the confusion end? and when will this messed up feeling show hints what's the mess all about?

finally, im done! done dropping.

wow, didnt expect it to be mentally and physically tiring. so aside from the mental hardship of waiting for professors and other people to get their signatures, i had to walk for a considerable distance just to accomplish it. why did they have to place the university registrar in a not so accessible location? i went there twice! first coming from malcolm and the second was coming from the shopping center. so by the time i was able to accomplish everything, i was already drenched in sweat. eeeww. im sticky and sweaty for the summer. i really felt bad dropping the subject, but what can i do, i really cant continue anymore. if it doesnt affect my physical health, its bound to affect my psychological health.

in a few hours, i will go to school again, to resume the waiting game. so ill just sit there and keep on waiting, waiting, waiting. seems like a waste of time huh? well, im used to waiting. well, i do wait a lot, but not because ive started not to mind means i want to wait. anyway, i hope i get to finish this dropping the subject thing so i can at least restore a bit of normality in my academic life and start studying with a bit more concentration. its really hard to concentrate when there is a thought lingering in your head regarding not making the deadline.

normally, downloading something makes me feel a little better. and im always in the mood to download something, no matter how insignificant. now, i just dont feel like it. i dont even want to continue my pending downloads! crap. i better figure out what the fuck's wrong with me! that's really a problem, not knowing what's bothering you. how can you solve a problem which exists but you can't see?! there is even no certainty it exists, but you feel there's something there bugging you, something bringing you down. it just sucks.

my life still sucks. of course, that has always been the case. but it doesnt flash itself like a neon sign like the way it is doing now. its been flashing for a few days now.

anyway, just woke up from a two hour sleep. day started around 930 am, went to school to do some waiting. waited for professors to sign my dropping slip. yes dropping slip. i gave up already. i think its affecting my health already. and im not doing well either. and since my body cant keep up anymore, i dont think i can improve my performance in order to fight til the end just to get a passing grade, like the way i used to do. anyway, im still not done with the waiting. so im going to do another day of waiting tomorrow and i hope i finish it before friday, because the last day is on thursday.

aside from waiting for professors, also waited for the results of my blood test. took another blood test in two days. not that it is needed. maybe i just got used to having a needle pierce through my skin.

happy valentines!

yeah right. i hate my life. not that im single (never been a problem before, and most likely never will). just took the civ pro exam a few hours ago. it was a 6-9 exam, very tiring and draining. wasnt able to answer all the items. crap. of course, that's not the only thing that made life suck. actually, it didnt make life suck, it just made it difficult. what made life suck today was the fact that, its valentine's day and looking at my life, well, not really looking at my life, but being reminded of what kind of life i have, shit, i ask myself, "when will it be my turn?" turn for what? turn to die of course! ive been having these chest pains lately, most likely, the civ pro subject is stressing me out. just yesterday, i cant read the codal provision because i keep feeling dizzy and found it really hard to concentrate because it felt like the surroundings are moving. anyway, while walking down the stairs in the library, i asked the question i ask myself from time to time, "will i drop dead now?". because like i said, ive been feeling those chest pains, particularly on the heart area. how long do i have to keep waking up in the morning? really getting tired of forcing myself to get out of bed.

can you believe it? because i cant!

so here i was, in the university arcade, past 4pm, about to eat merienda before the exam on civ pro at 6pm. then, i heard a slightly audible ringtone. at first, i looked around where the sound was coming from because i wasnt familiar with the ring tone, so i thought, it couldnt be my phone. but when i looked around, im the only person there! the manager of the cafeteria was somewhere in the kitchen, and the phone that was ringing was somewhere near, very near. so i checked my phone and well, to my surprise, it was my phone! holy crap, when did i set that ringtone? how come i never heard it before?

anyway, that's not the important part. so i opened the text message, and it was from jason. and his message said: "wala exam. sa wed exam. postponed. no joke". and my reaction was: "what the?". and since my phone didnt have any load, i immediately called the attention of the manager of the cafeteria to ask whether there's a nearby autoload store, and she said, the store right beside the cafeteria sells phone credits. so i asked her, whether she could look after my food for awhile, i really need to load up. so i quickly went to the store, asked for a P30 load, for globe. she said it wasnt available, they only had smart at the moment. so i asked, is there any other denomination available? i sounded like i really need to make a call as if it was a matter of life and death. she said the P100 prepaid card was available. so quickly, without giving it much thought, i bought the card, loaded it, and called jason to confirm. and he did confirm it wasnt a joke (and so did grace). and being the skeptic that i was, i still went back to malcolm hall to look for blockmates to confirm it. which they also did, saying "its true", "postponed", etc. still, a part of me is still filled with disbelief as if something that is contrary to reality just occurred. after almost an hour, and seeing my blockmates heading home, i finally said to myself, "ok, it seems the exam is indeed postponed". so i headed home too, and thinking if the exam did push through, im just going to drop the subject. i dont know why im excessively skeptical of things. is it an addiction or an illness? not that i dont believe my classmates, but i just found it hard to believe.

oh, i was so overwhelmed by the news, that i was heading for the waiting shed to ride a jeepney to go home, i forgot that i wasnt wearing my bag and that i had used the van that day! if i had noticed i wasnt carrying my bag, i would have realized it was in the van. if not for keisie asking me whether i commuted that day, i probably realized that i had a ride by the time i reached the shopping center.

home alone on a warm sunday afternoon, listening to V for Vendetta OST. i really enjoy being left alone in the house because its very relaxing. this is the only time i find the peace and comfort i always ask for. unfortunately, it isnt perfect. i have to study for civ pro (almost halfway done with the reviewer) so i really couldnt relax. well, not very much. at least this is better than not being home alone.

im currently reviewing/studying for my civ pro midterm exam tomorrow. anyway, i remembered a jesuit professor's comment with regard to the way the law is written. he was right, these codal provisions make it hard for a layman to understand them! why do they do that? why do they have to make the phrasing and the manner they write the law hard to understand? as the jesuit professor said, the law is written like the hieroglyphic writings of the Egyptians, and only the lawyers can decipher them! so was this intentionally done so there would always be a need for lawyers to interpret them and that the layman could not read and interpret the law on his own? well, the latter of course makes sense but still, shouldn't the law at least be clear and easy to understand so people could know it on their own without asking for the assistance of lawyers. i mean, just a simple understanding of it? because the way it is written, it just discourages people because its not easy to absorb. well, not easy to absorb for me. like some of my law professors say, sometimes, the provision is difficult to understand that you have to outline it. that is why one of my friends indirectly suggested that studying the law is like learning a foreign language.

soooo tired! the review class for civ pro ended past 10pm, almost 11 actually. so hungry and my brain cells have given up. wasnt absorbing anything the last 30 mins. and i wasnt feeling very well! not that im sick but the class just drains too much of my energy. this class is just too much for me, and one of these days, im going to find out that i developed another serious illness. im not sure if i can keep this up. well, its only less than 2 months, could it be that bad that i cant last for a few more weeks? the answer is yes! i just find it hard to keep up with the subject and the work load it demands. not really work load but the level you have to achieve to keep yourself afloat. right now, even if i have already eaten, my head still aches and i feel little nauseous.

no work and no play makes me a diabetic! holy crap, should at least consider doing any form of physical exertion. my inactive lifestyle started when i finished my ROTC class. ever since, i never did anything that could be considered as exercise. the doctor has already warned me that if i keep this up, im going to have spinal problems at an early age. im guessing in my 30s. well, im not really that physically unfit but i do get tired a lot or i get tired easily. also, since college, i knew my physical limitations. that i can only last for 30 mins of continued physical exertion. beyond that, i get nauseous and most likely vomit. as for intense and focused physical exertion, the time limit is 3 mins. beyond that, i become light headed. that was back in college, which was 3 years ago.

my left heel has been bothering me lately. i dont know why i experience pain on my left heel, as if there's a lump or something. not that there's a lump, but the same painful feeling you get from one. its been months now. oh well, as usual, im just going to ignore it, the same way i ignore the other aches i have. it will eventually go away. if it doesnt, im going to endure it (the same way i endure head aches, i really try not to take any medicine. why? its doesnt work anyway, why bother?). and if gets worse, well, thats my problem.

well, at least this day isnt a waste, as opposed to most of my days. by 2pm, i was already finished reading labor cases. that's about half way done for my classes tomorrow. i still have to read the provisions and cases for the energy draining 5 unit subject! was contemplating yesterday minutes before the class whether i should drop the subject or not. im not doing very well in it no matter how much i prepare. if i think about it, that's the subject im most prepared! maybe its the teaching style. i really cant attain that level of mastery. the way i see it, if a student is able to reach the teaching style's standards, the student can teach the subject already! not at the same level as the professor's but still, such mastery by the student is sufficient to at least show that the student has a very good grasp of civil procedure.

just another one of those days of tiring long drives. one amusing thing i saw today while driving on the way home was i saw two hearses! well, that explained the heavy traffic. but the amusing part was, for me anyways, that they were heading towards each other, with the cemetery between them. it was like hearse A was about half a kilometer away from the cemetery from the north, while hearse B was approximately the same distance away from the cemetery, coming from the south. doesnt seem that the two hearses and the convoys are aware of each other, so when both of them reach the cemetery, assuming they reach at the same time, then it would appear a little amusing since its not really that usual for something like that to happen.

one year and eight months! last log in was on the 24th of may, 2005.
--
3stan
lordanubis@mailworks.org

i accidentally activated my de-activated email.

and to prove how unfortunate i am, i have a 9am class. by quarter to 8 this morning, my cousin came, asking for help to write his paper (or at least type it). anyway, i have to leave the house by at least 830 am to make it for my 9am class. but well, i have no choice, my cousin's class is 830am, at quarter to 8, he's still not done with the paper. so i had to help him, it's just a little bit of typing and a little editing. we finished an hour later, quarter to 9! so i was already late! was able to leave 30mins later, 9:15am because i still have to take a bath and get dressed. and when i reached UP, and was already parking the van, i received a text message (nice timing, very fascinating, if only i received it 15mins earlier, it would have made a difference because i havent left the house yet), saying that the prof announced, the night before, were not holding classes that day! what the? either no one texted me, or the message was delayed by hours. anyway, still went to the classroom to check if i have a classmate with the same predicament classroom, and well, there was one. the person who texted me. the other one who texted me was also there earlier but already left to go home. so i rushed to UP for no reason! nice one God, you got me again. the timing of everything was well executed. i dont hate God for it, cant complain, life isnt that bad, only that, it isnt that good either compared to other people's lives. oh well, im almost numb to such situations anyway. before, it really pissed me off, especially when they come day after day after day, like a series of unfortunate events. it's bound to test your patience and drain your energy just to keep up with it. but, well, there are also good times, but not that good to really offset the bad. that's life.

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. - Narrator (Fight Club)

Well, mine isn't ending fast enough!