why do i regret holding on to the people i chose to hold on to? theyre the logical choice. rational choice. why do things continue to fall apart? isnt it possible to, even for a moment, feel that i made the right decision? just a goddamn moment. to at least see that the choice i made was worth it. that walking away was the right thing to fucking do. i knew im going to regret my decision to stop the most meaningful yet confusing pursuit. didnt expect that it also meant that the people i chose to hold on to wouldnt be worth it.

im inclined to believe there’s such a thing as coincidence. if there was none...God, You’re a [expletives deleted]. bitch faced bastard.

if im being taught a lesson for being arrogant and reckless, why dont You come down here so i can break Your neck. i dont like being the subject of sick jokes you crazy fuck

it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. it shouldnt have happened in the first place. God, you sick fuck.

im sorry. i really am. im tired and drained. may mga bagay na hindi pwede sabihin. mga paliwanag na di maririnig. so universe, you sick fuck, leave me alone. tangina! obvious naman na di na pwede bawiin ginawa ko kaya tantanan mo na ko. putangina naman. matino naman ginagawa ko sa buhay ko. bakit ayaw mo pa tumigil? kahit kailan, hindi ako maniniwala sa pinagpipilitan mo. ginagago mo lang ako. pota!

t

cant believe its been more than a month since i last saw her. the cannabitch is pissed. and her druggie friend isnt talking to me either. and her co-alphabitch is starting to move away from me too because it seems im bad news.

i dont care if i lose my sanity in the process. the weed makes the pain go away. i just want the pain to go away

damn it. i think the booze and weed is starting to mess me up. can a daily buzz really kill that much brain cells? fuck. imma need some uppers. if i have lost all awareness of what im doing and where im going, at least...meh. all i want is one great final adventure before everything falls apart. or at least make me feel and believe im having one even if its...meh. i dont care anymore. fuck this shit. whatever happens, happens. i dont like anything anyway. 

she was going to leave. so she'll burn the bridge eventually. so what do i do? burn the bridge before she does. and now she's pissed? fuck that. i always have one foot out the door. im not going to be the goddamn fool. never again. i wont allow myself to be outplayed again. i admit defeat to an accountant. her mind is as brilliant and sharp as a diamond. but to a stewardess? i dont think i can allow myself to be outplayed this time.

this was my fate from the moment i was born. i was never meant to be on Your side. thats why Youve rendered me incapable of being happy. so be it

i wonder if there is such a thing is too much soda?

1:20 am. how nice. im thinking of things to do to remember me by. but i think ive made sufficient impressions already.